Basically, I’m just in the process of starting to work with the first people who wrote me to take me up on it. It’ll take me a few weeks to figure out whether that will keep me as busy as I can be, or if I can work with a few more people as well.
If you’d like to be put on a wait list, feel free to contact me. I can’t say one way or the other whether more spots will come up though. If more do come up, I’ll contact the people on the wait list though. There are already some people on it.
Thanks to everyone who expressed interest in this. I wasn’t really sure what the response would be when I put the offer out on Monday. Glad to say it’s gone well.
]]>I’m interested in working with some people on a one-on-one, ongoing basis to help them improve socially. This would take place through email, and possibly Instant Messenger. I may also offer coaching sessions through the phone (Skype) sometime in the future.
I’m offering the coaching for free because I’m relatively new at this and want to develop my skills in it for the future. I feel pretty confident with my knowledge about social skills, but I’m sure there are gaps in it. It’s also one thing to write general advice on the topic, it’s another to work with someone on an individual basis and try to help them achieve their goals. If you’ve read my ‘About’ page you’ll know I’m in the process of training to become a therapist, and do have some clinical experience. However, I still think I’m pretty firmly in the ‘beginner’ phase.
Basically the exchange is you’d be able to access my help for free, and I’d get to practice my coaching skills with you, get a feel for different people’s social issues and how to best work with them, and try out new ideas. You’d get my help, but would go in knowing I may not have an answer to everything, may test out different approaches on you, or that things may have a ‘making it up as I go’ vibe to them at times.
I’m pretty open and interested in working with people who have a variety of social issues they’d like to work on. Due to the nature of this offer though, there are some limitations I have to put on it:
Because I’m offering this coaching on a more free and casual basis, some other things to know going in:
If you’re interested, or have any questions, send me an email at my usual address succeedsocially AT yahoo.com
The first step would be to exchange some information about you and what you’d like to work on, and for me to get a feel for whether I’d be able to help.
]]>Factors That Seem To Lead To Weak Social Skills
If you can think of any that I missed in this article, please drop me a line and I’ll add them in. I have no doubt that a few have slipped my mind.
]]>I just did something similar and removed the word ‘Cool’ from the site. Well it may still be there in the odd place, but I no longer directly use it as a way to describe people.
It was easy for me to use ‘cool’ as a catch-all way to describe someone or something as having a variety of socially desirable traits, as in, “I tried to become a cooler person overall”, or, “One thing I’ve noticed in cool people is…”, or, “If someone has cool hobbies…”
The problem is no one can really pin down exactly what the word means. I remember reading quite a few forum threads about what exactly ‘cool’ entails and no one could agree on it. That means while I may write ‘cool’ and have a certain idea in mind about what I want to convey, someone on the other end may be reading it in a totally different way.
Like when I removed those other terms, I’ve again been forced to be more precise in my language. If I mean to say ‘Fun and friendly and likable’, that’s what I’ll write.
The other thing is that ‘cool’ is also an emotionally charged word for some people. They may resent being told they were ‘uncool’ growing up, and that it would be better if they were ‘cool’ instead, like the jerk ‘cool kids’ who picked on them. I don’t want to unnecessarily write in a way that gets anyone’s back up.
]]>Added to Making Plans With People
Most of this article is about the idea of you creating a plan yourself and then trying to get other people on board. I think everyone has to do that at least some of the time. I’ve also found that in larger social circles different people can fall into different planning roles.
Some people are a good fit for initially suggesting things. If they say to their circle, “Hey, let’s all go out for dinner sometime this week”, everyone gets on board. If someone else suggests the same thing the idea doesn’t get off the ground nearly as often. The ’suggestors’ may naturally fall into more of a leadership role in your group, or just be looked up to a little more.
Other people are better at taking a plan someone else has suggested and bringing lots of others on board. They may be more networked, or have a wider range of friends. They may have a ‘the more the merrier’ attitude. They’re the people that text you and say, “Hey a bunch of us are going to the park on Saturday. You should come.” The person who initially suggests the plan may not know as many people, and hope their more networked friends can spread the word.
Some people are also good at adding on to a plan to make it better. They’re the ones that say, “Hey, well why don’t we all hang out at my place first. Oooh, I’ll make nachos!” or, “Oh, let’s go to Patti O’Brien’s instead. I’m friends with one of the servers there, he can probably get us in even though it’ll be busy that night.”
Added to How To Be More Fun:
This point is closely related to some of the ones above. This is hard to explain, but I’ve noticed fun people have a tendency to push things a little further than everyone else. If everyone is joking around, they’ll start making slightly more outrageous or edgy jokes. If everyone is dancing, they’ll start dancing in a goofier or showier way and get everyone else to join in. Not always, but sometimes this pushing involves taking things in a slightly more risque direction.
There’s often fun to be had in pushing things slightly, but some people are hesitant to go there. The fun person helps everyone get into that territory. It takes skill and experience to know just how far to take things though. If you go too far, you can come off as insensitive, or make people uncomfortable.
Added to Some Social Pitfalls More Intellectual Types Can Fall Into
This one is usually pretty minor and harmless. Sometimes smart people have a lot of random information in their heads and they can want to share it with everyone. Sometimes they do this at the wrong time, or go on about it just long enough that it starts to bore everyone. For example, someone could be talking about their new puppy, and the smart person chimes in to explain the unique mechanics of how dogs use their tongues to lap up water. No one is horribly offended or anything, but at the same time they’re looking at the person like, “Yeah… okay… thanks…”
]]>When You Feel Like A Second Tier Member Of Your Social Group
When You Feel Like Your Social Circle Is Indifferent To You
When Friends Are Always Late Or Unreliable
When Your Friends Tease You A Lot
This time the other blog is 30 sleeps, written by Brad Bollenbach. Here are some of his posts, but his site as he has other pieces on socializing as well:
Social Skydiving: The Art of Talking to Strangers
]]>Ways People Can Unintentionally Leave Friends Out of Social Events
]]>I posted these two articles already, but couldn’t announce it here. The second one is pretty quick.
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