Bars And Clubs Aren't All Bad

I've noticed socially awkward people have a general tendency to dislike bars and clubs. The attitude sometimes comes across as fairly intense and bitter as well, almost like they hold a grudge against the idea of clubbing. I don't hit the bars every weekend, but it's something I find fun when the chance comes up. I don't think going to them is as bad as some people make it out to be. I'll go into this idea below. I'll try to take a balanced approach of acknowledging clubbing isn't perfect, but also sticking up for it and pointing out where I think the appeal is. Like with some of my other articles, my general goal isn't really to convince you you must take part in a particular activity to do better socially, but rather to hopefully soften your view on it if it's overly negative.

Clubbing definitely has its flaws

I'd be crazy to say there was nothing annoying about going to clubs. There are at least a dozen reasons to get put off by them. It's not hard to see how some people could decide it's not their thing.

They can be overcrowded.
They can be way too loud, often to the point where you can barely talk to anyone.
They can be cheesy.
They can be pretentious.
They can be overpriced (cover charge/drinks/coat check/VIP section, etc.).
The staff can be rude and arrogant.
They can be stiflingly hot.
They can be smelly and dirty.
They may have annoying dress codes.
They can sketchy and dangerous.
The music can be awful.
The atmosphere can be very superficial.
You may have to wait forever to get a drink.
The lights can be overly intense, annoying, and blinding.
They can be full of drunk idiots.
People may be rude, obnoxious, or catty towards you.
If you're a guy, some jerk may try to pick a fight with you.
You may not directly get into a confrontation, but be near one when it happens and have your night ruined by the bad vibes it causes.
If you're a girl you'll probably get groped, harassed, and hit on by dumbasses.
The people there can be stuck up.
If you go out a lot, and see the same people week after week, they can sometimes be a very vapid, unhealthy group of friends.
You may have to wait in line for a long time (even worse if it was all a trick, and the place is dead once you get inside).

Even among people who like clubbing, these things sometimes get on their nerves. Sometimes their night will be ruined because of something that goes wrong.

People who don't mind clubbing don't have as bad a reaction to the annoying parts

I've noticed people who like clubbing acknowledge its flaws, but don't get as bent out of shape about them as some of us do.

They plain don't care about some things that other people find annoying (e.g., crowded conditions, how people are acting, cover charge, etc.)
They see some of the annoyances more as minor nuisances than deal breakers. Like I remember going to clubs and getting very irritated at things like people jostling me, or the music being too loud. The friends I was with didn't seem as affected by it.
They go in knowing what they can and can't do at clubs. They don't get ticked off because they can't have an in-depth conversation, because they never went in with the expectation that they could do that. I think one of the reasons I got annoyed at clubs in the past was that I almost believed there was the potential for me to, say, easily chat to someone, but I was being unfairly prevented from doing so. I lightened up and started to enjoy myself more when I realized that it just wasn't something you could do in that situation.
They see the annoyances as coming with the territory. They realize some of the flaws of clubbing are a natural side effect of the things that can make them fun.

Many people reach a phase where they don't go clubbing as much, if at all

Clubbing has enough drawbacks that many people do it less and less as they get older. Some stop going at all and will tell you they don't like it anymore. To be fair, there are other reasons this happens, such as having more responsibilities and plain getting older, but plenty of people have told me that the activity starts to get old over the years. Some of the novelty wears off, and even if you're good natured about clubbing's flaws, they still start to wear you down after you've experienced them enough. I've had this happen myself. I can go out every once in a while, but I don't have the urge to do it every weekend any more.

Reasons people go out to bars and clubs

So I covered the down sides. In my experience bars and clubs offer people plenty of reasons to go to them as well. I find people who dislike them tend to be dismissive of these reasons though. I'll get more into that afterwards. Here are the usual reasons people go clubbing.

To dance.
To hear music they like, through a good, loud sound system.
To see a certain band or DJ play.
To drink.
To get out of the house and go somewhere.
To go out and hang out with a few friends.
To go out in a big group.
To go out and see the other regulars and staff you know will be there.
To go out and meet new people.
For a chance to hook up with someone.
To shoot some pool.
To watch a game.
Just to be in an interesting, stimulating environment (i.e., music, lights, decor, etc.)
To blow off steam after a rough week of working or classes.
To be out in a big group of people.
To do drugs.
To check a new place out and see what it's like.
To be out in your 'scene' with like minded people.
To dress up and do something more glitzy than day-to-day life.
To be somewhere that's cool and happening.

"The things people do in clubs are shallow"

When you read the list above, did you catch yourself turning up your nose at any of the points? "Ugh, dancing is so mindless. Why do people like it?" That's the first way people who dislike clubbing tend to dismiss it. They see everything that draws people to clubs as shallow and below them. My main response to that is you don't have to like everything, but things like dancing and listening to good music are fun for their own sake. What's wrong with that? You probably do fun, pointless things other people don't see the big deal about too.

The other thing to watch out for is saying you don't like something for reasons that don't really have to do with the activity itself. I've covered this ego-cushioning thinking before, but here it is again:

Thinking you don't like something because it makes you feel incompetent. e.g., "I suck at dancing, which makes me feel embarrassed. Whatever, dancing sucks."
Thinking you don't like something because it makes you feel uncomfortable. e.g., "This place is too crowded, and everyone's so well dressed it intimidates me. I feel kind of uneasy. Screw it, this place is crap."
Thinking you don't like something because you have a chip on your shoulder about the types of people who are typically seen to do it. e.g., "I hate those frat boys who think guys like me are losers. They like going to bars. Bars suck."
Thinking you don't like something because you resent the pressure to do it. e.g., "Everyone always wants to go clubbing, but I'm not that into it... Well now I really don't like."
Thinking you don't like something because it offers rewards, but you're bitter and frustrated because you haven't been able to get those rewards for yourself. e.g., "People supposedly go to clubs to meet people, but no one's ever been interested in meeting me. Who cares, anyone who goes to clubs probably sucks anyways."

Of course compared to reading philosophy, things like dancing and doing shots actually are shallow. But there's no law that says you have to be doing deep, thoughtful things 100% of the time. Everyone has things they do just for the fun of it.

"The only reason people really go to clubs is to..."

This is the second way people write off clubbing. Their reasoning is that while people supposedly go clubbing to dance or whatever, they really have a less flattering ulterior motive. The implication is that no one could really like what clubbing has to offer for its own sake, the only reason they're in it is for something else. The one's I've heard are:

People only really go clubbing to try and get laid.
Girls really only go clubbing for the attention they get from men.
Guys only really go to bars because they want to act macho and get into fights.
Girls really only go clubbing to get free drinks and to stroke their egos.
People only really go clubbing to get wasted.
People only really go clubbing to feel superior and to judge other people.

Don't get me wrong, tons of people go clubbing with the sole purpose of trying to hook up. Many more people don't go out completely for one of the reasons above, but it does factor into their thinking. Also, certain bars are known for being places where you only go if you're looking for a one night stand, or to do ecstacy, or whatever.

Not every last person who goes clubbing has these motivations though. It's pretty negative and cynical to paint everyone with the same brush. A lot of times if someone wants to go to a club to dance with their friends they really do just want to dance. I have a girlfriend and going to bars still has appeal to me. I didn't lose all interest in them as soon as I got into a relationship.

Clubs are mostly full of good, regular people

A common sentiment about bars and clubs is that they're full of vapid, superficial people. Some club goers undeniably fit this description, but I think most of them are just like anyone else. My logic is that most people are alright, and a good proportion of them go to bars and clubs, so if you go to a place full of people, they can't all be empty-headed and vacuous. There's also the argument that you've been to clubs before, and you're not a moron, so it's reasonable to assume other people are in the same boat.

The environment tends to make everyone sure seem shallow though:

People usually dress up when they go out. It's just what you do. That makes everyone look like the stereotypical shallow clubber, even if they're law students by day. Otherwise down to earth guys put on their shiny shoes and stripey shirts. Normal, level-headed girls put on their sparkly make-up and revealing tops.
People who are clubbing are admittedly there to have some mindless fun. So of course they won't be showing the more thoughtful sides of their personality. Even if they wanted to, the noise level and general craziness going on doesn't make it easy. They're joking around, being silly, letting off steam, etc.
Not everyone drinks, but most of the people are either drunk or at least a little buzzed. That tends to obviously make you act stupider.
If you're out, and you run into someone who's acting rude or obnoxious, that one person obviously stands out in your mind. But you don't notice that the other two hundred people there that are behaving, and who are probably just as annoyed with the douchebags as you are.
Girls who go out can get pretty hassled, depending on the type of venue. As a result they can adopt a more stuck-up persona as a kind of armor against all the losers who bother them.
Plenty of people who go clubbing feel shy or out of their element, but they look around and everyone else seems to have it together, so they put on a brave face and look confident as well. Sometimes it's the least likely people who are feeling insecure.

The hooking up / want to meet someone factor

I've mentioned this before in this article, but I'll go into this in more detail as I think it plays a big role in how people can come to be put off bars and clubs.

For a lot of people, trying to get laid / meet someone often ends in disappointment. There are men who are good at picking up girls, and there are women who manage to meet cute, cool guys at bars. But for every one one of them, there are ten guys who are too nervous or awkward to meet any women, or there are ten girls who no one talks to, or who only get hit on by creepy jerks. You can only take having your hopes frustrated so many times. You may come to hate clubs themselves instead of just that fact that you can't meet anyone in them.

When you go out with the main goal of trying to meet someone, you also tend to put less thought into what type of bar you're going to. You just go where ever there seems to be a lot of cute girls or hot guys. As such you're more likely to end up somewhere that isn't really to your taste. You can also be less discriminant about who you go out with. You can end up hanging out with guy's whose company you don't really enjoy just because you want a wingman around, for example.

Another thing is that if you go out with a real 'must meet someone' attitude, it can cause you to lose your ability to appreciate elements of clubbing for their own sake. You can start to see everything you do as work and a means to an end. You evaluate how well your night went in terms of your results at meeting someone, not how much fun you had - if you had no luck, then your night sucked. I can go to a bar now and just enjoy the music and the company and have a good night. When I was single and desperate, things like dancing, music, and being with people were pointless to me. Of course it's not so easy to just have fun in the moment and not care about meeting someone, if that's what's important to you.

How to have more fun when you go to bars and clubs

Another reason some people don't like clubbing as much as they do is that they don't do everything they can to insure they have a good time at them. It took a few years for the first point to dawn on me:

Seek out places that align with your tastes

When people are new to clubbing they have a tendency to go to sprawling, flashy, stereotypically club-like clubs because they don't know what else is out there. For some people that scene is for them and they don't move on, but lots of others eventually move on to more subdued, smaller-scale venues. Picking the right place to go can make a huge difference in how much fun you have.

Take the time to look around and find a place with a good vibe, music you like, and a friendly crowd. If you're into punk rock and that whole subculture, there's no reason you need to be some hotspot full of lasers and thumping techno. Avoid the places that are pretentious, overpriced, too crowded, too sketchy, too macho, too catty, have a bad vibe, have a stuck up crowd, etc. If a place sucks there's no reason you have to go to it, unless your friends all want to go, and even then you can try to change their minds.

Have some skills in clubbing activities

You usually have more fun at things when you're good at them. This applies to the usual activities clubbing entails. Dancing is horrible if you're not good at it, but quite fun once you've got some basic moves down. Playing pool is boring when you're bad at it, but enjoyable once you have some skills. The idea of being "good" at joking around and hanging out and having fun is more abstract, but the same concept applies. Being able to meet and chat to strangers is another skill. Like I said in the last point, clubs are demoralizing if you want to meet people but can't, but once you know how a whole new world opens up.

A similar idea to being good at bar and club activities is being able to appreciate certain elements of the places. Like if you don't know much about music, it's nothing to care about. But once you learn about some bands and develop your tastes, then you start to like that aspect of going to bars.

Go out with fun people

I just mentioned this. Bars can be pretty boring if you go out with the wrong people. Things to look for are people who have the same basic goal in mind as you (not you want to take it easy and have a few drinks, they want to dance all night), people who won't ditch you, and people who are generally fun company.