Cognitive Distortions
People with poor self image, depression, anxiety, and some other issues often have distorted thinking that doesn't reflect reality, and which can serve to sustain their problems. Although the content of these thoughts can take on many forms, psychologists have identified a few broad types ways they can be present a skewed picture of the world.
Depending on a person's issues, their thoughts will tend to distort in certain general directions:
- Someone who's anxious will have thoughts that paint the world as more threatening than it is.
- Someone who's depressed will see life as bleak and hopeless.
- A person who's insecure will interpret things in a way that reinforces their negative self image.
- Someone who's shy will view the social world as more critical and judgmental than it is.
- A person with anger issues will tend to read malicious intent into innocuous things that other people do.
Below are descriptions of the main cognitive distortions. They're extremely well-known and you may have seen a similar list elsewhere. Knowing them is one of the cornerstones to identifying and cutting off maladaptive thoughts. You'll notice that several of the distortions blur into each other somewhat or produce similar outcomes. When someone has a negative or anxious thought you can usually make a case for several different distortions applying to it.
After the main cognitive distortions I'll quickly mention two other ways people's thinking can go awry.
All-or-Nothing Thinking / Black and White Thinking
Seeing the world in simplistic, absolute terms. This may involve extreme comparisons like Perfect vs. Useless, or words like 'never' or 'always'. People may think things such as:
- "Not every last person in my class loves me, so that means I'm a complete reject"
- "That conversation didn't go perfectly, therefore I'm hopeless at socializing."
- "I didn't hear about one get together. That means everyone hates me."
Black and White thinking also tends to trip people up when they're setting goals or monitoring their progress. They'll feel they either have to do something perfectly, on the first attempt, or they've totally failed or there's no point in trying anymore. In many situations someone can often gain a lot of benefits from becoming even 30% better at something.
- "I don't think I'll be able to become the world's most charismatic person, so there's no point in trying to improve my social skills."
- "I wasn't 100% confident yesterday with my friends, so the day was a total write off"
- "I felt shy for five minutes at that mixer. I was aiming to never feel shy again. There's no point in working on this."
- "I told myself I'd call my friend at 2:00 today to ask him to hang out at. It's 2:02 and I haven't made the call yet, so I've failed and shouldn't bother."
Over-generalization
Taking a few isolated incidences and making sweeping generalizations about yourself, other people, or your life:
- "That one person didn't invite me out. No one likes me."
- "Those people I just talked to weren't interesting to me. I have nothing in common with anybody."
- "I asked someone for directions and they said they were in a rush and couldn't help. No one in my city is friendly.
Filtering
Applying a 'dark-tinted' mental filter to your perceptions so that you see and dwell on the bad aspects of something, but ignore the good. This can involve "seeing what you want to see", e.g., noticing the few incidences where people seem to act rude or indifferent towards you, while overlooking all the times they're friendly.
Filtering can play a role in sustaining depressed or insecure feelings. In any given day someone is going to do some things well and other things poorly. They're going to have a mix of good or bad experiences. Regardless of the conclusion they want to reach, the world offers up enough variety that anyone can cherry pick some evidence that supports their view. A depressed person can take all the times they mess up, and disregard all their successes, and use that to make their case that they're flawed and hopeless.
Disqualifying the positive
When you dismiss positive events for no good reason, probably while being all too eager to believe the negative ones.
- If someone tells you you're dressed well, you ignore it because it's so 'obvious' to you that you have no style.
- Writing off a fun experience at a party as an isolated fluke, because you 'know' you're boring and awkward.
- Generally not being able to take compliments and dismissing them.
Jumping to conclusions
When you quickly assume something negative, even though it has no basis in reality. There are two variations, one involving how people think, the other related to how something will turn out:
Mind reading
When you believe someone thinks a certain, usually negative, way, even though you have no real evidence to support it:
- "I just know everyone in my study group hates me."
- "He didn't say 'hello' to me in the hall because he thinks I'm lame for mentioning I liked that one band last week."
- "My friends don't really like me. They all think I'm just a tagalong and are just tolerating me out of pity."
- "My roommate's friends all think I'm a snob."
Fortune telling
When you jump to conclusions by assuming something will turn out a certain way, though the belief has a shaky grounding.
- "There's no way I'm going to have fun at the bar tonight. I bet at some point in the night some random jerk will try to pick a fight with me"
- "When I meet my friend's parents they're not going to be very talkative, and I'll get nervous and uncomfortable. Then I'll be too anxious to eat dinner, and everyone will get mad at me."
- "If I meet up with these people they're going to start giving me a hard time because I'm a vegetarian."
Magnification and minimization
Overstating or understating how something really is, again with a poor reason to back up your thinking.
- "Everyone is way more sociable than I am. They're totally confident and have no insecurities."
- "The first week of college is totally critical. It makes or breaks you socially. If you don't make friends during that time then you're screwed for the next four years."
- "Yeah I'm good at sports, but I just can't see how it could help me socially. I also think it's also an overrated way to meet people"
- "People tell me I'm really funny and fun to be around. I don't know though. I think I'm pretty average in that department..."
Catastrophizing
When your mind leaps to the worst thing that could possibly happen. Can also mean to see a situation as totally hopeless or unbearable, when it's really just uncomfortable. This cognitive distortion tends to fan the flames of anxiety.
- "I have no plans this weekend. I just can't take it. My life is over."
- "If I chat to my coworker and things go wrong, then he'll tell my boss what a creep I am and I'll get fired."
- "I feel a bit nervous right now at this party. I can't take this. This is the worst feeling ever."
- "My shyness is only going to get worse and worse. In a few years I'll become a total agoraphobic shut-in!"
Emotional reasoning
Thinking that because your emotions are telling you something is X, that it is truly is X.
- Thinking that because you're feeling anxious, there must be something happening that is worth being anxious about.
- Thinking that because you feel like the world's biggest loser, that you actually must be.
- Believing that other people are all jerks, because you're in a grumpy mood at that moment.
- Feeling like your entire life is boring, because you're bored right then.
Should statements
Constraining yourself with unrealistic expectations about how you 'should' be.
- "People should invite their friends to hang out at least once a week, otherwise it's a sign they hate you."
- "I should always have brilliant things to say in conversations."
- "I should always be the life of the party."
- "I should always be able to get past my shyness and be able to talk to anyone I want to."
Labeling
Slapping simplistic labels on things in order to explain them, rather than looking at the unique facets of the situation.
- "I'm a gamer and he was a jock. That's why our conversation didn't go well."
- "She's a hipster. Hipsters wouldn't like someone like me."
- "I'm an introvert. There's no way I'll be able to do that."
Personalization
Thinking you directly caused something to happen, or that something relates to you, when other forces may have been at work.
- "He's in a bad mood because of something I did to offend him" (The person just had a bad day at work)
- "Everyone wants to call it an early night because I'm so boring to be around" (They're really just tired).
- "The conversation hit a lull because I did something to offend everyone" (They just paused to listen to the song that was playing in the background).
That's it for the cognitive distortions. Here are two more thinking "errors" you'll often hear about when this topic comes up:
Unanswered questions
Sometimes when we're worried about something we'll pose these scary questions to ourselves, but not actually answer them. We may ask ourselves, "What if I never meet any friends all through college?!?" That's not a pleasant possibility, and it makes us more worked up.
Often if we just take a minute to actually address the question in our minds it can take away most of its steam. Someone might say, "What if I never meet any friends all through college?... Well that's highly unlikely, especially if I put effort into it. But I suppose I'd be kind of lonely and would have to do other fun things instead of being with people. I'd have to rely on my friends from high-school and my family for support. Maybe I'd volunteer at an agency where I have to be around people, so I can still get some social interaction in" Maybe not the best situation, but it just seems kind of mundane and tolerable at the same time. That's often what happens when we answer those types of scary questions. What we come up with is some real world situation that we could handle.
Explanatory Style
There's some evidence to support the idea that people who are depressed tend to give different reasons for why things happen compared to those with a more typical mood. The same thing can happen when someone is insecure. When something bad happens to a depressed person they attribute the cause to personal/internal, permanent/stable, pervasive/global causes. In other words, the problem was because of an internal flaw they had, that problem will always be there, and it affects all aspects of their life. For example, "That conversation went badly because I suck with people, I'll always suck with people, and I suck with people in every situation."
However, when something good happens their depressed world view puts a totally different twist on things. They write it off as being because of some outside event, that it won't last, and that it doesn't change the overall picture. If someone approached them in class one day and started chatting to them, they may excuse it by saying, "Well they're only talking to me because they're in an unusually good mood or something. They'll probably realize I'm boring soon enough and move on to someone else."
People who are more positive and confident tend to think the opposite way. If something good happens they chalk it up to some positive trait they have, and believe there's more where that's coming from. If something bad happens to them they write it off as an unlucky, one-off fluke. So if they have a pleasant conversation with someone they may tell themselves it's because of how genuine and interesting there are. If they have a bad interaction they'll blame it on the other person and remind themselves most of the time things go differently.
