Ads:

Power Social Skills
Get Rid of Shyness - No More Social Anxiety!
PowerSocialSkills.com

Secrets To Social Success
Learn how to be the kind of person everyone wants to be friends with
SecretsToSocialSuccess.com

Conversation Fire
Instantly Discover The Hidden Secrets To Powerful Charisma
ConversationFire.com

It's Fine If You Don't Drink, But Don't Be Too Uptight About It

THE POINT OF THIS ARTICLE IS NOT TO SAY YOU SHOULD DRINK, OR THAT YOU HAVE TO DRINK TO DO BETTER SOCIALLY. YOU DON'T. In fact, in the last section I'll give my tips on how you can better get away with not drinking when you're out, if that's what you want to do.

The point of this article is more to discuss how some people think about the concept of drinking, and how I don't think you should have an overly negative, uptight attitude towards it.


When I look through the trusty message boards that give me so many article ideas, yet another fairly common point I see expressed is a dislike among socially struggling people towards the activity of drinking alcohol. Recurring themes:

I've noticed the idea of drinking seems to hit of nerve in some people. It can be a lightning rod for various bitter feelings they have towards their peers, certain social groups, and the mainstream. The idea of getting drunk seems to represent everything that's wrong with other people and their priorities, and how they're just different from them.

There are also socially awkward people who have a neutral stance on drinking, whether they do it or not. And we can't forget the ones who use drinking as a crutch to give them courage in social situations. Some of them rely on it so much that they become borderline alcoholics by the time they're twenty. But this article isn't about that, it's about the people who I feel are a little too harsh in their opinion towards drinking, to the point where their overly hostile attitude may be costing them some social opportunities.

I drink. I've gotten drunk. I've told the Monday morning, "Man, I got so hammered this weekend!" stories. I'd be retarded if I thought drinking had no down sides, but overall I don't see it as this evil, depraved activity. I didn't start drinking until I was nineteen (legal age where I come from) and in university. And even then, I was hardly getting blackout drunk four times a week. But I drank and it didn't strike me as anything that bad. Back in high-school my attitude was a lot more suspicious and uptight. More on that pretty soon. First:

Drinking isn't inherently bad

My grandma drinks. My mom will have a glass of wine after work. My dad will have some scotch while relaxing in the evening. The leader of your country probably drinks. It's an obvious point, that there's nothing wrong with just consuming alcohol. Sometimes you can think of drinking, any kind of drinking, as being more dark and sinister than it is. There's nothing all that bad about it by default. It's more about how you use it.

Drinking can become associated with other negative things

Before college I had more negative attitude towards drinking. I think part of this was due to the meaning alcohol has when you're underage. If a thirty five-year old has a drink, it means very little. But drinking underage illegally has all this extra baggage attached to it, which has nothing to do with what drinking itself is like. Here are some of them, plus some other negative things drinking can be associated with:

Overall, drinking can be associated with experiences that socially awkward people are bitter about. That's not to say something can't happen to you that makes you resent drinking itself though. However, if you think you hate drinking, when really you're mad at the world and yourself because you feel awkward and left out at house parties, your mind is running on faulty information.

Of course, drinking does have negative aspects to it

Alcohol can cause all kinds of problems when taken to excess, either in the short term or the long term. I'm not trying to sugar coat its pitfalls. There's the big ones: alcoholism, destroyed families, chronic health problems, drunk driving accidents, death by alcohol poisoning, sexual assaults, fights, increased crime, risky sex, risky behavior, and property damage.

There are the little down sides too: feeling like crap the next day, throwing up, wasting too much of your money, saying stupid things you regret later, getting in arguments with your friends, breaking stuff, losing stuff, spilling beer on your shirt or your carpet, hooking up with people you'd never consider being with sober, getting pale and chubby after two semesters, having to put up with with drunk idiots when you're out, and overall making dumb decisions. The funny thing is that some people come to see these little annoyances as part of drinking's charm.

Most of the time, nothing goes wrong when you drink

Overall, drinking is hardly perfect. Still, I don't think that just because the above things happen to some people who drink, or that they may happen to you, is a reason to never drink at all. Most of the time when I drink, nothing all that bad happens. The alcohol enters my system, has its effects, then wears off, with no missing teeth or car accidents or anything. If something does go wrong for me, it's always from that second, inconvenient, category. Maybe I'll make a cringe worthy joke or two that I later regret. I'm a pretty civilized person though, so that's not to say more irresponsible people get into trouble more than I do.

I'll have a beer or two on a weekend afternoon while watching television in my apartment. I'll have a drink or two at dinner. I'll go to a pub with some friends and share a pitcher as we talk. I'll grab some drinks from the bar while seeing a concert. I'll go out with some friends and get drunk at a bar, but not enough that getting home safe and sound is ever a concern.

There are different levels of drinking

Another one of those obvious things I like to write. Sometimes when you think of "drinking", your mind automatically jumps to an image of a wobbling, stinkingly drunk person puking in an alley. There are different degrees of drinking and most of them aren't as bad:

I initially tried writing a little definition for each level, but it wasn't really working out. Anyways, I don't really need them to make my point. Not all drinking equals getting completely plastered. It could just mean having a good glass of wine to compliment your meal, or having a few beers to cool off at your cottage on a hot summer afternoon. You may share some drinks with your friends at a bar to make the conversation that little bit more lively. You may go to a party and drink just enough to maintain a happy buzz, but not go beyond that. In moderation alcohol isn't too terrible.

Most people behave when they're drunk

I've been out to bars with friends where we were all pretty loaded. We got a little silly and sloppy, but overall we were acting like normal people. No one was glancing over at us and wishing we'd go somewhere else. We went out to talk, hang out, dance, have fun, the usual bar things. Our conversations were more goofy and disjointed than usual, and we were more unsteady walking around, but overall we behaved ourselves. Yeah, there are times when drinking too much is a liability. I'm a fairly straight and narrow guy, so I've never done anything too ridiculous, but I know plenty of people who have done some pretty destructive things. I'd be lying if I said that didn't happen, but drinking a lot doesn't always mean people become evil. If you go out to a bar or party, most of the drunk people will be acting a little harmlessly obnoxious, if that, but nothing too serious. A handful of them will be more out of hand.

Drinking has its positive aspects as well

This isn't to say you have to drink, but another way alcohol isn't that bad is that it has its positive aspects. Some people don't like to hear that, but it's true. Why else would it be such a common activity? Some people are also against the idea of having fun by altering your thinking via a chemical on principle, but I don't have a problem with it.

I won't go into more detail than that, but I've had nights where alcohol made a solid contribution to the amount of fun I had. It wasn't the only factor, but it legitimately did its part to help me have a good time. On an abstract level you could say it's pathetic that I find messing with my brain chemistry fun, but it is what it is.

My thoughts on how you can get away without drinking

So I don't think drinking is that horrible. It's still got a lot of stupid aspects to it though. There are legitimate reasons for wanting to avoid it. A sizeable number of people effectively don't drink at all, save for the odd glass of wine on special occasions. Even on college campuses, it seems like a lot more people are boozing than there actually are. But alcohol is built into Western society. You can run into a lot of flak for not drinking. Here's my advice on how you can get away with it:

Avoid situations that involve drinking

I'll put the most obvious one first. Just hang out with a crowd that has interests other than partying. Don't go to bars on Saturday nights. Have fun in one of the million other ways than getting messed up.

Still, in my experience it's pretty hard to avoid alcohol all together. Whenever you get a group of people together for some special occasion, it's likely to appear. Even the most sophisticated art showing will likely have wine being served. And then there are the weddings and staff parties. Or you may have to go into a bar, like to see a concert. Overall though, you can keep drinking out of your life most of the time if you try.

Be able to be fun

If you don't drink, but you can still have fun while you're out, most people will be fine with your sobriety. It's just that everyone has had the experience of having a non-drinker around and they were boring, quiet, uptight lumps who didn't want to do anything. And everyone was sure they would have loosened up if they would just have a beer or two. If you're not going to drink, you've still got to be good company.

Be able to keep up with the activities drinkers like to take part in

People who have been drinking are more likely to do certain activities over others. They also like doing certain things for longer than sober people would. When you're sober, sitting around and talking can make you feel a little restless before long. When you're having drinks you'll happily do it all night. In general, drinking is associated with socializing. If you like dancing, you'll do it for hours when you've got some drinks in you. Sober, not so much. If you don't drink, you still have to be able to keep up with these activities when they occur. You may have to grow a thick skin for extended periods of socializing, or develop the guts to dance sober.

Develop a good tolerance for drunk people

Drunk people are boring and irritating when you're sober. But that's missing the point, they're not meant to be fun for sober people to interact with. You're supposed to be buzzed right along with them. Then they seem fine. If you don't want to drink, you've got to be really good humored about having your retarded, giggly friends around. Don't take their behavior personally. They're just being drunk, not purposely trying to get under your skin, although it can feel that way.

Don't use rookie excuses for not drinking

The biggest being, "I just don't like the taste." This immediately brands you as a naive drinking newbie. It sounds so naive because it's not true: a) some alcoholic drinks do taste good, not everything is cheap piss beer and nasty fire liquor, b) several drinks are acquired tastes, and c) it's obviously about more than just the taste. Saying, "I don't like the taste" basically screams, "I've only drank a handful of times. Please gently push me to drink more so I can learn how fun it can be!!!!" Also, don't lie and say you're not drinking because of how hammered you got last night, when it's obvious you're not the type of person to do that.

A better excuse is to imply that you have no problem with drinking, but that you don't feel like it at the moment. Be assertive and stick to your guns, but do it in a friendly way. Don't be overly assertive/borderline confrontational about it.

Don't go out of your way to let people know you don't drink, especially when alcohol is around

Do what you can to avoid drinking, but be low key about it. Fly under the radar. If they find out you don't drink, people who do can get surprisingly defensive and challenging about your choice. They may feel you have something against how they live their lives, or that you think you're better than them. They may badger you about why you don't drink. Or they may try to convince you to change your mind. They do this from a more well-intentioned place and genuinely think you need to loosen up and give it a chance, or because you've made them feel insecure and getting you to have some alcohol will reaffirm their view of the world.

This is especially bad in situations where there's alcohol around. The vibe of the situation can suddenly turn from "Everyone is having fun" to "Everyone's having a tense debate about whether drinking is okay." or "Some people are hassling this one person to drink, he's got giving in, and everyone is getting annoyed at each other." Better to avoid that whole situation.

Don't be self-righteous about not drinking

If you don't want to drink that's cool, but don't look down on the rest of the world. Don't think you're more mature or superior compared to everyone else. Don't be preachy and tell anyone who will listen about why you don't drink. Not drinking doesn't automatically make you enlightened. There are plenty of brilliant scholars, artists, and humanitarians out there who consume alcohol.

Don't tell people you're never going to drink

This applies if you're younger and can just make you look stupid. I know plenty of people who didn't drink in high-school, or even in college, who said they were never going to. Then one day they tried it and became casual, social drinkers like everyone else. You can't really say what your attitude will be like in a few years, especially once you're legal drinking age.

Strategically compromise now and again

Assuming you're not for 100% total abstinence, and are instead not drinking just because you'd prefer not to whenever possible, consider compromising on occasion. This is a pretty practical point. You may find it more trouble than it's worth to not drink at all in some situations. If you're at a wedding and there's a toast, have a glass of wine. If you're at a pub and your friends want to share a pitcher, have a glass or two. If someone offers to buy you a drink, and would be offended if you turned them down, then accept it. Don't get totally wasted, but avoid the unwanted hassle that would come from your insisting on not having one single drink.

Learn to pretend you're drinking

It's best if you can avoid doing these, because if you get caught the situation may be pretty awkward. If you can just say, "I'm not drinking tonight", or, "Nah, that's enough for now", that's probably easier in the long run. Still, sometimes people will assess the situation and decide it's just simpler to pretend they're drinking and avoid the hassle of having to explain why they aren't.