Legitimately Improve Yourself As A Person
Improving your confidence, outlook on life, and interpersonal skills is important. But there's another area to think about. When I look at the people who I'd consider to be socially successful and respected, they always have legitimate strengths going for them. They've got their acts together and have better than average abilities in areas their peers (or all people) value.
Back in my loser days I didn't have a lot going for me. I was pretty unexceptional and one dimensional. In high school pretty much all I did was play video games and watch television. I was smart, but in that masturbatory, self-satisfied way that impresses no one. I had some artistic talents but I largely wasted their potential.
Now I'm a much more fleshed out, well-rounded guy. I've done some things other people haven't and wish they had. I have traits that help other people want to be around me. I've made more of an effort to push my innate skills towards their full potential. I'll still say I'm an average person on the whole, but I'm much improved over my old self.
If there are two main ideas in this site they're to, 1) improve your social skills, and 2) to get out in the world and legitimately improve yourself as a person. The good part is that while working on your social skills can be nerve racking, doing things like cultivating your talents or increasing your knowledge are fairly non-stressful. It takes a while though.
Improving as a person has strong, indirect effect on your social success. For example, a few years back I learned about football, as part of a general plan to become less clueless about sports. I was alone a lot at that time in my life. I spent days at a time just reading up the sport without really talking to anyone. This, and learning about other new things, continued on for a few weeks. Then one day I met my friend's boyfriend and he mentioned they were going to a football game later in the week. A bunch of football related topics popped into my head and we went on to have a good five minute conversation about sports. I had done nothing recently to directly work on my social skills, but here I was being able to easily relate to someone I'd previously have had nothing to say to.
I also found it that little bit easier to get along with people after I got back from backpacking around Australia. There are other variables involved, but on one level just the fact that I had taken this somewhat impressive trip, and had with a couple of good stories to go with it, made me come across as a more desirable person to know.
Here's a sampling of things you could get going for you, though I really didn't even need to make a list. Anything you do to improve yourself can potentially help you get along with people in the future.
Social Abilities
The ability to be interesting, engaging, and funny will draw people to you. So will skills like being able to tell a good story, knowing tons of people, or being able to make friends easily. The rest of this site largely focuses on this topic, so I'll leave it at that for this article.
Artistic/Musical/Performance Ability
I think the main social strength of artistic talents is that they impress people. If I see a guy performing a skill that I couldn't do in a million years, or who's thought up a concept I never would have thought of, and then skillfully created it, I can't help but respect him. Then there are the benefits of being more creative and interesting in general. Being knowledgeable about this area can be an asset as well.
- Do you have any artistic talents you could develop further?
- Is there anyway you could do a better job about letting people know about the talents you do have (without coming off like you're boasting)?
- Are there any kind of artsy talents you've always wanted to learn (e.g., an instrument, photography), but keep putting off? Why not give it a shot?
Athletic Ability
As everybody who's been to high-school knows, being good at sports wins people's admiration. But even if that wasn't a factor, participating in athletic activities has benefits such as improved discipline, perseverance, confidence, and mental toughness. Lots of people are into sports so knowing about them is beneficial as well.
(same questions as the previous heading apply)
Having extensive knowledge about a certain area
People respect experts, or even those who know a thing or two they don't. Having more general knowledge in a wide range of topics makes conversation much easier as well.
Being well-traveled and worldly
My views on traveling are largely contained here:
How Traveling/Backpacking Can Boost Your Social Skills.
Being a half-decent dancer
Good dancers are impressive to watch. Even being half decent at it is a strength because lots of people don't know how to do it. There are always going to be people/groups around who wish you would dance with them. Why not learn and be able to join in?
See: How to Dance - For Average Guys
Having good taste
What 'good taste' is is relative to the social group you're with, but people generally look up to their peers who make truly good selections in things like music, movies, and clothes.
Having lots of good stories
A good story is intrinsically entertaining, but the fact that you have them shows that you're a person who has led an interesting life. Assuming you're being truthful, your stories also indirectly illustrate what kind of person you are. If you've got good stories, then you've got to be pretty cool yourself.
Being well dressed and groomed
It would be nice if no one judged you on your superficial qualities, but that's not how things are. Even if your genetic appearance isn't great, making the most of what you've got and having a good 'look' will go a long way. Taking care of the physical is one of the simplest things you can do to make life easier for you.
See: The Importance Of Getting Your Appearance In Order
Having practicalities like your own place or a car taken care of
Pretty self-explanatory. All things being equal the person with their own place wins over the guy who still lives at home. The guy with his own car and who knows how to drive beats the guy who can't (I personally regret putting off learning to drive). You have more options and people generally see these things as a sign of maturity and independence.
Multi-faceted Intelligence
Intelligence is respected, end of story. Like in myths, the true heroes are usually the clever, resourceful characters. There are different facets to intelligence. There's more academic book-learning but there are also aspects of it such as: so-called street smarts, resourcefulness, the ability to come up with novel ideas, mental agility, and wisdom about how the world works. I used to have quite the ego about being smart in a 'high IQ on paper, knows all the logical fallacies' way. I'd like to think I'm more down to earth and well rounded about my intelligence now.
...and on and on. I can think of a few more, but you get the idea.
The social cachet certain abilities carry
One thing I kept hinting at was that having certain talents was just innately impressive to people. Some abilities carry more social weight than others though. Some may even lower your standing in some people's eyes. If you're a really talented guitarist you'll probably get more social benefits out of it than if you were a skillful clarinet player. If you know a lot about pop culture more people will tend to want to hear what you have to say compared to if you knew a lot about transistors.
It can all pretty subjective, arbitrary, and unfair, but I think you should at least be aware of, and realistic about, the status of your interests. That's hardly to say you shouldn't do something you like because other people aren't into it, I just think it's practical to know that some personal strengths come with more social bonus points than others. Also, while your interests may not impress the world at large, they may still help you within your own circle. More on that topic here: