How Your Interests Can Affect Your Social Success

I think most people notice the link that seems to exist between certain people's interests and how well they do socially. Those who are into computer programming and text-based RPGs generally don't seem to do as well as the people who are into snow boarding and playing guitar. I think the connection between interests and social success is somewhat complex, and that's what this article will go into.

Your interests indirectly influence your social development

Your interests exert a more strong, indirect effect on your social success by influencing how your people skills develop for the future. Some interests put you on better "life paths" than others. Having exclusively non-social interests in your earlier years can lay a groundwork of you having lackluster interpersonal abilities when you hit adulthood.

People are often drawn to interests that mesh well with their natural personalities. A solitary person is going to gravitate towards solitary interests. More social people will move towards more people-oriented pastimes. These choices can reinforce themselves. Over time the social person will improve their people skills and get even more enjoyment out of group activities. The solo hobbyist's social skills will fall behind, making interacting with people even less rewarding, and causing solitary pursuits to look more even more attractive. If you're interested in improving your interpersonal skills, having interests that foster these abilities is one way to go about it.

No interests are intrinsically better than others

No interests are inherently good or inherently bad. There's nothing about math, for example, that makes it better or worse than cooking or baseball. I think some interests carry more social cachet than others. But that's more related to the baggage surrounding them, not the interests themselves.

Certain interests carry more social value than others

It would be hard to argue that some interests aren't seen in a better light, on the whole, than others. If you spend hours pouring over dozens of statistics to pick your fantasy football team, you're a red-blooded guy's guy. If you spend hours pouring over statistics to pick out the best equipment combination and attack pattern to beat a boss in an MMORPG, then you're a loser with no life.

I could go into more detail, but basically some interests get associated with various negative stereotypes. Like all stereotypes, they probably have some small element of truth to them, but are mostly based on exaggerations and ignorance. The stereotypes could be about the kinds of odd people who take part in an interest, or how the interest affects people's personality for the worse. In reality, most people who are into so-called dorky hobbies are pretty regular people. Take video games for example. For every basement-dwelling loser who fits the stereotype, there are hundreds of average people who like gaming.

And what if your interest is low value? Whatever, do it anyways. Don't give up something you enjoy because society has this vague aversion to it. I do think there are times when you may decide it's socially practical to downplay a certain hobby you have if you think your audience won't understand it. But everybody occasionally manages the impression they give to others, and considers the outlook of the person they're talking to.

Your interests affect the way people see you, but not as much as it seems

The last heading portrayed liking RPG's as something that makes everyone see you as a dork. But it doesn't exactly work like that. I know people who are technically way more dorky than me in terms of how they spend their time, but also more engaging than me in how they come across to others. They're almost always seen as likable by the people they meet. Their likability cancels out, or is dominant over, the supposed dorkiness of their interests. Overall, the impression you make socially makes the biggest contribution to how people see you:

"Cool" person with "cool" interests > Will be seen as a cool person. Their cool interests will make them seem even cooler.

"Dorky" person with "dorky" interests > Will be seen as a dork, and their interests will only serve to confirm the other person's preconceptions.

Cool person with dorky interests > Will still be seen as cool, unless their interest causes them to act very out of character. The dorky interest is just an abstract piece of information and doesn't have the same power as the person's presence and charisma. If the person is really admired, others may see the dorky interest more positively, or at least as not a factor in anything. Most people know a cool person who also enjoys sci-fi shows or comic books. It doesn't really affect how they're seen.

Dorky person with cool interests > Will still be seen as dorky overall. The cool interest may give them a slight boost in credibility ("Oh, I didn't know you were into..."), but again, the social impression someone makes overpowers any abstract "on paper" qualities they have. If other people are being harsh, they'll discount the dork's cool interests as a try-hard attempt to win others over. Or they'll subjectively see the interest as uncool, but only for this case.

Most people will already have made up their mind about you before they even know your interests. When they know what kind of things you're into, it will do little to change the opinion they've formed. So there's really no point in giving up any of your interests for the sake of doing better socially. You like them, why would you do that? If you want to do better with people, work on it directly.

How you approach your interests can turn people off

It gets more complicated. It's not just what your interest is, it's how you approach it. Certain behaviors can make almost any interest acquire a negative tint. If the interest is already low in social value, the behaviors make you look even worse. Even if an interest is normally seen fairly well, the wrong approach can make it look bad. Example: Working out is fine, but super intense, macho juice pigs are usually looked down on. Here are some things you probably want to avoid:

Being obsessive about your interests:

People have radars for when someone has gone too far. It's an instinctive turn-off. This can include behaviors such as:

Going on about your interests to people who don't care about them:

A fairly basic social faux-pas.

Taking your interests too seriously:

i.e., displaying levels of emotion about your hobby that seem inappropriate to most people.

Not living in the real world because of your interest:

Some interests involve elaborate fictional universes populated with a variety of characters. Others are highly abstract and theoretical, or involve belonging to a subculture that's a little out of touch with the larger reality. If you spend too much time on them, all of your mental space can become devoted to the comings and goings of these imaginary worlds. You'll fall a beat behind how most people act and seem weird.

There's a balance you may have to make between becoming proficient at your interest and developing yourself socially

I'm not much for giving up your interests entirely. You may need to tone it down though. Don't pursue one thing in every moment of your spare time. Try to take part in a more healthy way. Add a few new hobbies to your life. Round yourself out a bit. Make time to grow your social skills.

But what about people who become experts in their area? Don't you have to single-mindedly devote yourself to something to get really good at it? There's definitely a point to that statement. There is a use for having a narrow focus. Art, science, writing, and thinking thrive on it. And to get world class at something, you will have to make sacrifices in other parts of your life. Maybe in your social skills.

Like a lot of things, this can just be an excuse though. Deep down someone may be unhappy with where they stand socially, and realize their life is unbalanced and unhealthy, but it's easier to tell themselves they're nobly pursuing perfection in their field, and that their screwed up interpersonal life is a factor that's out of their control.

Even the most devoted scientists, artists, and athletes don't spend sixteen hours a day, day after day, getting better. There's always time to be around people if that's important to you. And it's not a simple case of 'Be really good at something --> have bad people skills'. Lots of experts aren't any different socially from anyone else. Okay, I wouldn't be surprised if Roger Federer talked about tennis a little too much, but I doubt he's socially retarded. That probably has to do with what people are good at though. The world's best soccer player will have had a far different experience in getting good compared to the world's best programmer.