Stereotypes About Less Social People

Everyone who's not as social - who likes spending time alone, who when they're with others often don't have a high tolerance for crazy, loud parties - knows that many other people don't 'get' them. Throughout their lives they've been subjected to some hurtful stereotypes and misconceptions. I'll cover them here.

The problem with many stereotypes is that some people do fit them, and that keeps them going. For many of the points I'll mention below, some less sociable people definitively fit into them. However, the point is that not every last less sociable person does. Lots of people are totally healthy and normal, and just want to spend less time around others.

Less social people are shy

This is one of the classic misconceptions. It goes that if someone doesn't want to spend time with others, it's because they're too inhibited or insecure to do so. Now I have no doubt that plenty of less sociable people are shy as well, but many aren't nervous around others at all when they choose to get out there. Conversely, many social, gregarious people will also tell you they're inwardly shy as well.

Less social people have poor interpersonal skills

Consciously choosing not to spend time around people isn't the same thing as not being able to function around them if you want to. Many people who like their alone time do just fine with others when they're around them. However, some less sociable people definitely are ill-at-ease in social situations, with a lack of practice likely being a big reason.

Less social people are misanthropes

You know how it is, Susan hardly ever wants to come out for drinks after work, and it's not like she's busy or anything, so that means she hates humanity, right?... Uh, that or she has nothing at all against her co-workers, but going for drinks after a long day just isn't her thing.

I have come across my share of people who match the bitter loner stereotype. The twisted irony is that they often have a negative attitude about people because they've been misunderstood and rejected too often in their lives. If more people had just accepted their nature and given them space to eat lunch alone or stay home on Saturday nights without making some big thing out of it, they'd likely be a lot more positive and cheerful around everyone.

Less social people are mentally ill

Some people think not wanting to spend a ton of time around others is unhealthy enough on its own to be considered a mental health problem. Others don't believe that, but assume that if someone is less social, it's possibly a side effect of some other mental health issue they're having. That's not even close to true, of course.

Many mental health problems do lead to social isolation, so it is somewhat understandable where this misconception comes from. A mentally ill person may be rejected and ostracized and involuntarily end up alone. Their symptoms may cause them to isolate themselves or be suspicious of others as well. Their symptoms may also make it harder for them to communicate effectively and read and respond to social cues. Besides from mental health problems, developmental differences such as autism or learning disabilities may lead to similar outcomes.

Less social people must like socializing deep down

The idea here is that no one really doesn't like socializing. They just think they feel that way. If someone believes they're not that into it, it's because they have baggage around it, or they're scared of it, or they've just never had a good experience with it, or they're not practiced enough with people to have a good time with them. There's absolutely some validity to this idea. However, there are less social people out there who are baggage free, and are able to have fun around others, but it's just not their thing.

A somewhat related idea is that if someone seems like they're not social, then what they really need is for other people to draw them out and show them the error of their ways. Sure, some people do benefit from being pulled out of their comfort zone, but other people are going to be annoyed by it, or feel patronized.

Less social people are ticking time bombs

Uh... so a discussion of serial killers and mass murderers is pretty low on the list of things I want on my site, but I guess I have to do it. This stereotype is perhaps the most hurtful and ignorant and says that less social people are all potential Buffalo Bills or clock tower snipers. Just in terms of sheer numbers it's easy to see how this is false. Multiple murderers are extremely rare, but there are millions and millions of less social people in the world.

The other knock against it is that many people have this idea that the profile of someone who would do something like this is of a socially maladjusted loner. However, from what I've read, people who commit these crimes fit into a range of types. Yes, some are loners, but others have worked in pairs or in groups. There's also the totally opposite stereotype, of the super smooth, charming Ted Bundy or Patrick Bateman type. Though weirdly enough, if someone is really charismatic, our mind never seems to jump to "He's way too smooth. He must secretly be a psychopathic murderer." But if someone is quiet and looks like they'd rather be somewhere else at the company golf tournament? Totally going to come into work with an Uzi one day.