At Times It's Socially Practical To Know Things Other People Care About
Out of all the ideas I discuss on this site, the one below tends to get people's backs up the most. The thing is, it's not some huge, central tenant of my advice. It's just another thing that can help you out. If you really want, you can ignore it.
Some topics and activities come up pretty often in social situations. Sports, music, or T.V. shows come up in conversations a lot. When people go out to bars, they often want to dance or shoot pool. In my experience, it can be socially practical to know something about these areas, and others, yourself.
Being familiar with this stuff yourself makes life easier. But talk like this can seem like I'm telling people to sell themselves out in order to fit in. That's not really what I'm trying to get at though. I'm just being practical, and if the world seems to be set up a certain way, I may as well try to adapt to it somewhat. I'll clarify what I'm talking about more:
I don't mean totally overhauling your interests, more knowing a thing or two here and there
When I say it's socially practical to know certain things, I don't mean you have to learn as much about that subject as someone who is naturally drawn towards it, or truly like it yourself. More that even having a basic familiarity with a topic, or just being able to get by in an activity, can make a noticeable difference in how easy it is to get along with people, versus knowing nothing about that area at all. The majority of the time you act how you want to act, but you can pull out certain knowledge when you need to.
Knowing about areas other people care about helps your cause in little boosts here and there
Just knowing about a topic other people are interested in won't make or break how well you do with them socially. I find it gives me lots of little benefits though. Still, if I'm not naturally compatible with someone, then just being able to hold a conversation with them about a certain hobby, or join in a certain activity, won't change that. And if my not knowing enough in a specific area means someone doesn't want to be around me, I probably won't be dying to be best friends with them anyways.
If you honestly don't care about something, then you don't care
I like learning about new things and I try to be open-minded, but there are some areas that just hold very little appeal to me. Even if it would be practical to learn about them, I really don't care, and I can live with it. I pick and choose and realize I can't hit it off perfectly with every last type of person or adapt to every situation I find myself in.
The benefits of learning this stuff
All in all, my natural interests and talents are a little esoteric. A lot of typically mainstream priorities don't do it for me. In the past, it frustrated me that most of the people my age seemed to be so preoccupied with sports and pop culture. I still had lots of things to talk to people about, like movies and video games, but it left me feeling cold that whenever things like the playoffs or certain bands came up, I had nothing to say. It was a similar story with activities that other people seemed to enjoy. I was fine playing computer games with a buddy, but things like playing pool at a pub bored me.
Overall, I had a niche I could fit into, but there was still something missing. It wasn't enough for me. It bugged me that I was so clueless about areas other people seemed to think were important, and which kept popping up in my life whether I wanted them to or not. I eventually decided to get caught up. I started with sports, mainly because I didn't want to be so totally ignorant in an area so many people took for granted.
I used to think that I could totally acquire new interests. "Wouldn't it be great if I could get as into sports as most people? Man, it would be so easy to make lots of new friends then. I wouldn't have to worry about finding a hidden enclave of people who were just like me, I could get along with most guys on the street! And I wouldn't feel alienated and left out, I'll be on the other side."
I figured that if I tried hard enough, I could love sports as much as someone who was a lifelong fan. It didn't work that way. I did end up becoming a casual fan, but I couldn't totally override my natural preferences. I'd rather play video games or read about something. I highly doubt I'll ever be a guy who religiously keeps up with every trade and injury on his team. Learning about sports was totally worth it though. Here are the benefits I've gotten out of learning about things other people care about:
I can hang out with people under a wider range of circumstances
Before, lots of the common activities people enjoyed didn't interest me. So I often found myself turning away opportunities to be around people because odds were good they'd want to take part in something I disliked.
Eventually I decided I was missing out on too many opportunities to be around people. Now that I can appreciate sports, if not love them, I have no problem watching a game at a bar. Now that I'm more comfortable with dancing, I can go out with a group of people who may do it at some point in the night. I learned just enough about pool that I can enjoy myself if my friends want to play, even though I rarely want to do it on my own. It's better than sitting on the sidelines and being bored for an hour-an-half. Overall, I'm not going out of my way to hang around people who want to do nothing but talk about football, but if it comes up in passing, I can cope.
I don't feel as clueless and left out of things
Even though I sometimes tried to tell myself differently, I honestly didn't like the feeling of being the odd one out while everyone else was happily chatting away about music or whatever. When I learned more about these areas, I didn't feel like I was on the outside looking in any more. I subjectively felt more a little more comfortable with myself. Not everyone shares this motivation, but I felt that way. I figure I can't be the only one.
I can follow along with more conversations
I hang around people who more or less share my outlook on life. Even then, I still often find myself in situations where everyone is talking about cars, sports, or a T.V. show. When I've learned the basics about a topic, I can at least follow along with the discussion and not be totally left out and bored.
I can contribute to more conversations
The more things you know about, the more chances you have to chip into a discussion with something relevant of your own to add. Even when I know a handful of information about a topic, it'll often enough to make your mark on the discussion. Like three people at a party could be talking about a new T.V. show. I can jump in, say a thing or two about it, get a good response, and then sit back. I did okay in that small sub-section of the conversation. Better than nothing.
I've been able to have conversations with people I'd otherwise have little to say to at that moment
Things like sports, movies, and T.V. shows are common-ground interests that you can talk to pretty much anyone about. Even if someone is totally different from you in terms of age, life situation, etc.., you can always chat about a T.V. show you both follow. It may not be the deepest conversation, but it's probably pleasant enough to talk about. At my job, I've sometimes purposely followed along with shows the people in the office were interested in, just to get along with my coworkers a little better.
I have more potential friends to choose from
In the past I've met people who I was mostly compatible with, but they had a mainstream interest or two. Most people do. Out of a desire to totally avoid these activities, I probably filtered out a lot of potential friends. Now I have less of an issue hanging around someone who occasionally steers the conversation towards hockey, or who sometimes wants to go do something I wouldn't have chosen myself.
I've picked up some fun new interests
By learning about sports, I became a casual fan. I don't pour over sports blogs every day, but there are a handful of sports I follow now, and I'll make time to watch certain tournaments and playoffs. I would have missed out on that if I never decided to try and fix my ignorance about them.
I also used to feel out of touch about music. Pretty much everyone likes music, but I never got too into it when I was younger. I decided to learn more about it one day. Now I've discovered all these awesome new bands and genres that I like. I discovered I really liked going to concerts. I changed the types of bars I like to hang out in because I realized the ones that play the type of music I like are much more to my taste.
