How to Dance - For Average Guys

Dancing is one of those inescapable facts of life. It comes up over and over again in social situations. You might was well learn to do it. It's smoother sailing once you know how and it tends to score you points in lots of situations.

You don't have to reach a particularly high standard

You just need to be good enough that you can get on the dance floor, blend in with everyone else, not look like an idiot, and not feel too uncomfortable while you're there (lots of people are at least somewhat uncomfortable with dancing, that's why they have to get a few drinks and wait for some other people to be on the dance floor first.)

When someone (read: one or more girls) wants to dance with you, all they really want is that...

Being better than the minimum never hurts of course, but just knowing the basics will put you way ahead of all the non-dancers out there.

Girls and guys have different ideas of what a "good dancer" is

Guys often see dancing as a skill to show off. Being 'better' than other dancers is important to them. Their typical image of a good dancer is a gymnastic break dancer doing a bunch of flips, or a guy doing a fancy, fluid Popping and Locking routine.

A girl's picture of a good dancer is a closer to a passably moving guy who looks comfortable, confident, and like he's having fun. Lots of girls have told me I'm a "good dancer" (i.e., I'm actually dancing, and not like a total fool), but not many guys have.

Don't worry about what guys think. Sometimes guys will snicker and point to people who are dancing because they're really just uncomfortable about doing it themselves. Random dudes sucking on their beer aren't your audience.

Let me emphasize. I am not a great dancer if you compare me to the guys you'd see dancing in a music video. I'm not even great compared to lots of other people in whatever club I go to. But I'm good enough to get by.

If there's one thing to keep in mind it's to be toned-down and low-key

Don't be a spaz and try to pull off some crazy moves unless you 100% know you'll look good doing them. It's better to reel yourself in. Over reaching and being 'that guy' is worse than blending in and being a bit boring and unoriginal. Don't feel you have to pull off tons of new moves every second and put on a show for everyone. It's okay to dance in a simple, repetitive way and just enjoy your friends' company.

If you're not comfortable dancing, do not take the route of dancing extra badly on purpose 'as a joke'. Everyone sees through this and it's not even that funny, just kind of embarrassing.

Basics:

The best way to learn is to just practice

Get in front of a mirror, put some good music on, and start dancing to it. Remember, if your instinct is to jump around a lot or be a bit spazzy, consciously tone yourself down. A lot of the time on actual dance floors you won't even have that much room anyways, so if you only practice moves that requires a lot of space you'll be put in an awkward spot when you end up somewhere a lot more crowded.

Whenever you're bored and hanging around by yourself, just put some music on and dance around. One way to practice at first is to try working on one aspect of dancing at a time, then putting the pieces together:

Practice different dancing scenarios

Dancing on a dance floor where you have a lot of room

This is the easiest as you have all the space you need, and you can do somewhat more showy stuff in you feel like it. Sometimes the ocean of space can be too much or make you feel self-conscious though.

Dancing on a crowded dance floor

Here your movements are really restricted. When you're practicing make sure to keep your feet rooted on the ground and don't swing your arms out too much. Try to make your movements look cool anyways.

Dancing close to someone else

The issue here is knocking knees and not being able to extend your arms too far in front of you. Try dancing really close to a wall to get an idea of what it's like. Or you can try dancing really close to a full length mirror. If I caught someone doing this I'd laugh at them, but it's still a good way to get used to the feeling of being up close to someone.

Dancing with a partner

Here I'm referring to partner dancing in an informal, improvised way. Of course this is something that you can't really practice on your own. Still, you could put your hands out in front of you like you're holding someone's waist or shoulders and practice moving with that restriction. I don't blame you if you don't want to do this. It's definitely a bit silly. Still, if the idea of dancing with a girl makes you uncomfortable, practicing like this can take the edge off.

More practical advice would be to take a salsa, swing, or ballroom dancing class, asking your female friends to teach you to dance, or heading out with your girlfriend, if you have one. If it doesn't make you uncomfortable, you could even try going to a club and trying to dance with some women you meet there.

Grinding

This isn't my style, so I don't have any advice to give about it.

A semi-warning about dance classes

Without a doubt you'll learn a lot if you a take a dance class, but sometimes people get a shock when they then go to a club and have to dance spontaneously. They can't just start swing dancing or bust out a 14-step choreographed Hip Hop routine. I've met girls who have taken years of dance classes, but they're inhibited when it comes to dancing at clubs. They feel lost, put on the spot, and like they're expected to 'perform'.

More assorted tips

Dancing is a physical skill. The better shape you're in, the easier it will be. General aerobic fitness will carry you far. Having some endurance in your legs is a big help too. Strong torso muscles are also an asset.

Watch music videos and other people at clubs to get an idea of what kind of moves they use.

Every style of music has a different way of dancing to it. If you're going to be dancing a lot in places that play a certain kind of music, you should try to learn the basic style that everyone else uses. Dancing in a different style does make you stand out, but it's nothing to sweat over.

Lots of people need to get some alcohol in them before they can loosen up enough to hit the floor. Within reason I think this is okay.

When alcohol is a good thing:

When alcohol is a bad thing:

This is a trite thing to say, but despite everything you've just read, you should just enjoy yourself and not over-think things. Have fun and don't worry about what other people think of you. Blah Blah blah. The end.