Times You Feel Unusually 'On' In Social Situations

This article describes a phenomenon that happens to some people as they're trying to develop their people skills, and which can derail their progress ever so slightly.

What happens is that you're trying to improve your skills in a particular, tricky area and you have an exceptionally good session. For some reason you're just 'on'. You're hyper-confident and energetic and you accomplish more than you ever have before. You may do some things for the first time ever.

For example, you might be at a party and spend the night effortlessly working the room and talking to people, when normally all you'd have the courage to do is chat to the two friends you came with. Or you could have spent the entire night fearlessly dancing with your friends when before you were always too inhibited to even step foot on the dance floor. The first time this happens you leave the party/club/get together buzzing with energy. You can't believe what a good night you had. You can't fall asleep when you get home. It feels like you've finally turned a corner. The worst is over. You're going to be fine from now on.

So how can this mess you up? Well first, that one good night never ends up being the turning point it appeared to be at the time. It was just a deceptive anomaly. You had an abnormally good outcome that one time, but you'll regress back to your more average behavior. You'll have plenty more lackluster, mediocre, and discouraging showings before you finally hone your people skills to a reasonable standard.

It's usually really discouraging the next time you go out after that first exceptionally good night. You think you're going to be 'on' again, but you instead find you're your usual self. You can fall into the trap of thinking you can only accomplish anything when you're in that intoxicating ultra-confident state. You may pass on social events or leave them early because you're not in that ideal mood. You may try to hit on the magic way to recreate it at will. You think, maybe you have to listen to the right energetic music before you go out, or have a few drinks. It's all a red herring because you can never create an emotion on demand consistently. If that was possible every athlete would put themselves into 'The Zone' before each game.

You're going to have your good days and your bad, and a lot of average ones too. You'll never have as much control as you'd like over when you have which. The important thing is to slowly increase your competency when you're in your 'normal' state. It's also important to get to the point where you can perform socially in spite of your mood. When people have weaker interpersonal skills they often feel like they can only function in social situations if they're feeling sufficiently confident and energized. But if your social abilities are decent then you can use them even if you're not feeling the greatest.

Finally, during these times you're feeling so 'on' and confident you can think you're doing a bit better than you are. That's part of the allure of that state. But it can be a bit deceptive since you're not always doing as well as your mood tells you you are.

Sometimes when people look back on the times they first felt 'on' and like they accomplished a lot in the moment they thought they were setting the room on fire, or charming everyone they talked to. Compared to how they normally acted they were doing a bit better, and pushing their limits. But in hindsight they realize they may have been acting a bit too overly energetic or spazzy as well. These things happen though. It's part of the learning process.