Social Mistakes Intellectual People Can Make

Being smart is awesome. Smart people have an easier time of life and contribute more to the world. I think everyone should develop their intellects. However, there are some social mistakes that are mainly made by people who identify themselves as being intellectuals.

I think these behaviors originate in the messages about intelligence that some people learn as they're growing up. For example, a kid may have been told from a young age that he's special for being smart, he should base his whole sense of self-worth around that, and that his intelligence makes him better than other people.

There's also a loose culture among people that think of themselves as smarter than average, and many of the behaviors below can be picked up through it. That means a lot of the points below may sometimes be appropriate to use around other self-identified intellectuals, but they often rub other types of people the wrong way. It's all about knowing the right context to use them or not.

Unnecessarily telling people about random trivia

This one is usually pretty minor and harmless. Sometimes smart people have a lot of random information in their heads and they can want to share it with everyone. Sometimes they do this at the wrong time, or go on about it just long enough that it starts to bore everyone. For example, someone could be talking about their new puppy, and the smart person will chime in to explain the unique mechanics of how dogs use their tongues to lap up water. No one is horribly offended or anything, but at the same time they're looking at the person like, "Yeah... okay... thanks..."

Being intellectually arrogant

There isn't much to say about this other than it's off-putting for its own sake. Who wants to be around some haughty or patronizing person who thinks they're better than everyone? Another symptom is stereotyping typical people as mindless mouth-breathing hoards who happily lap up whatever Pablum Hollywood and the mass media feed them. I'll throw intellectually pretentious behavior in here as well.

This thinking reflects a lack of perspective because intelligent people aren't all that special or unique. Even if someone has a one-in-a-hundred level of intelligence, in a city of a few million there are going to be tens of thousands of other people who are just as smart. Also, you could say that being intelligent on paper, or in the sense of being able to solve abstract puzzles quickly, is kind of pointless if you don't use your mind to actually accomplish anything. Your IQ score just becomes a number to stroke your ego with.

Being a know-it-all

That phrase means a few things, but one of them is not being able to admit you're wrong or that you don't have all the answers. Another meaning is taking every opportunity to try and show how knowledgeable you are, perhaps by not following up on people's points in conversations, but instead using them as a launching off point to demonstrate your expertise about some topic. Sometimes people are know-it-alls because they really are full of themselves. At other times they may just be a bit socially inexperienced and believe other people are really interested in all the things they have to say.

Inappropriately correcting people

I.e., the guy who's always interrupting other people with, "No, actually..." Watch yourself if you have a tendency to act like this because it's really bad about disrupting the happy flow of an interaction. This is especially true if you're correcting something that's minor and tangential to the point the speaker was trying to make. There are times when it's necessary to point out someone's error, but it's not when a friend is excitedly telling a story about their vacation and you bring things to a screeching halt to explain they couldn't have possibly flown on the type of plane they said they did. It's even worse if you correct people in a curt, condescending, blunt, rude, abrasive, or exasperated manner.

There are a lot of reasons people may do this:

Being an overly argumentative debater

Someone says something you don't agree with. You start arguing with them. Once the argument starts it gets really hard to back down. The other person says something even more stupid, which really gets you going. You have to prove them wrong. You have to get the last word in.

The same mentality that can lead people to correct others can also make them want to get into debates. In that 'intellectual culture' I mentioned there's a view that arguing and debating is a fun, mentally stimulating activity, one with a friendly, competitive element to it. A debate is nothing personal, just a chance to work out your critical thinking muscles and score some points by pointing out your opponent's use of logical fallacies.

Unless the other person has the same kind of mindset as you, they're probably more annoyed and taken aback than anything. They just stated an opinion and now you're jumping down their throat. It's another way to easily derail a social interaction. Like correcting people, wanting to jump into a debate can become a bad, reflexive habit.

Being intellectually competitive in conversations

If you get a bunch of intellectual people together, sometimes, but not always, the discussion will turn into a big battle to prove who knows more than all the others. One person will make some statement. Someone else will have to jump in and trump it with a more impressive, obscure piece of knowledge. Then someone else will point out they're mistaken and offer the 'accurate' version of the facts. Then someone else will point out that someone used a big word improperly. Even if they're talking about something on the surface, underneath everyone's really just vying for the title of Smartest Person at the Table.

All the ideas of correcting, debating, and 'one upping' I just mentioned come into play here. Like the other points, doing this can be tiresome to other people and throw a conversation off its axis.

Being overly skeptical and cynical

Skepticism and even cynicism are important parts of critical thinking skills. You should think for yourself and not accept what you're told at face value. Some people go too far with this though. Present them with anything and they'll immediately find some cynical angle to it. Fun new show on TV? Just a way for the media oligarchy to distract us from the real problems in society.

People can think they come across as an enlightened social commentator when they make statements like this. It can boost your self-esteem as well, because you feel like you're part of an elite who knows how things really are. However, many people see overly cynical people as negative complainers more than anything. I think it's great to be skeptical in your mind, but when you verbalize it all the time, and around the wrong audience, you can come off badly for injecting too many negative vibes into the conversation.

Being too negative and critical

This is the same idea as the point above. Some intelligent people can think that by pointing out the flaws in everything they're impressing everyone with how perceptive and analytical and insightful they are. They see it as a sign of intelligence to be able to spot what's wrong with something when no one else has. They can believe that if they come across something new and can't find anything wrong with it that they've failed somehow.

It definitely takes brains to break things down and recognize flaws, but unless you're purposely having a conversation with someone about that kind of stuff, saying these things out loud just makes you seem pointlessly nit picking and negative. One way this can be especially off-putting is when you feel compelled to dissect and comment on things where nothing is at stake, like a friend's light, slightly exaggerated, story.

Being too blunt and abrasive

When you hang around other people who like to argue and debate all the time, everyone can get into the bad habit of being too blunt and tactless with each other. This is fine around your intellectual friends, but no so great around people who have no tolerance to it.

There's a pretty well-known joking-but-not-really theory out there that says typical people apply tact to everything they say. Nerds, as the theory goes, are the opposite. They're naturally more abrasive around each other, but don't take any of it personally because they apply tact to everything they hear. Two typical people or two nerds can communicate with each other just fine. But if you put a typical person and nerd together it breaks down. The nerd gets exasperated with the typical person for tiptoeing around what they want to say, and the regular person gets offended by the nerd's curt, direct manner of communicating.

Buying too much into the idea that intelligence and social skills are incompatible

There are millions and millions of smart people out there who have very good social skills. It's only a subset of intelligent people who fit into that stereotype of the person who's so brainy and on a different wavelength that it interferes with their ability to relate to others. I think some smart people can limit themselves by buying into the narrative that interpersonal skills and intelligence is an Either/Or thing, or that everyone who's gifted is doomed to forever lurk on the outskirts of society. A related idea is that social skills are a 'lower' kind of concern and not worth a smart person's time to learn.

I'm sure their unique way of the seeing world does give highly intelligent people some problems in social situations. However, I think the impact of this can be overstated, and that social skills can be improved if the person is willing work on them.

Over thinking things and coming to the wrong conclusions about socializing

This isn't an annoying behavior, just something I've noticed about some highly intelligent types. People who are very smart can have minds that work in unique ways. Sometimes the novel perspective this gives them, coupled with a lack of firsthand experience, plus some over-analysis, can be a liability when it comes to explaining how the world works. It can cause them to miss the obvious or simple answer and instead come up with a more complicated, eccentric theory. I've seen really smart guys use their powerful, but sometimes quirky, brains to analyze social situations, come to these totally off-base conclusions, and subsequently sabotage their future encounters with people.