Some Interpersonal Pitfalls More Intellectual Types Can Fall Into

Being smart is awesome. Smart people have an easier time of life. Smart people contribute more to the world. Everyone should develop their intellects.

Some smart people acquire a few socially limiting beliefs about intelligence though. These beliefs can make them a bit much to be around. I used to be one of these people. Big time. And I'd be lying if I said I had totally cured myself of this way of acting as well. These beliefs, and the annoying personality that can go with them, seem to develop as people make their way through the school system. My hunch is that they're related to the messages certain kids pick up and interpret about what it means to be intelligent. Here they are, arrived through scanning how I used to think:

These beliefs have some flaws though:

You can probably already guess what they are, but here are some of the annoying behaviors these beliefs can lead to:

Being intellectually arrogant

There isn't much to say about this other than it's off-putting for its own sake. Who wants to be around some haughty or patronizing person who thinks they're better than everyone? Another symptom is stereotyping typical people as mindless mouth-breathing hoards who happily lap up whatever Pablum Hollywood and the mass media feed them. I'll throw pretentious behavior in here as well.

This thinking shows a lack of perspective because smart people really aren't all that rare. Also, you could say that being intelligent on paper, or in the sense on being able to solve abstract puzzles quickly, is kind of pointless if you don't actually accomplish anything with it. It just becomes something to stroke your ego with.

Being a know-it-all

That phrase means a few things, but one of them is not being able to admit you're wrong or that you don't have all the answers. Another meaning is taking every opportunity to try and show how knowledgeable you are, perhaps by not following up on people's points in conversations, but instead using them as a launching off point to demonstrate your expertise about some topic.

Being a 'corrector'

i.e., the guy who's always interrupting other people with, "No, actually..." It's hard to stop yourself from doing this sometimes because it can give you a little ego boost. Sometimes this rush of self-esteem is derived from feeling 'one up' on someone else. It can also be related to arrogance in that you feel you must save the moronic masses of the world from their misguided beliefs. At other times it can feel so annoying that someone holds an "incorrect" belief that you just have to say something. Watch yourself if you have a tendency to act like this because it's really bad about disrupting the happy flow of an interaction, especially if you correct people in a curt, condescending, blunt, rude, abrasive, or exasperated manner.

Being an overly argumentative debater

Someone says something you don't agree with. You start arguing with them. Maybe it makes you feel smart. Maybe their "wrong" beliefs get under your skin so much that you can't help yourself, and you want to destroy their idiotic delusions. Maybe you think you're engaging the other person in a stimulating discussion, one with a friendly, competitive element to it.

Once the argument starts it gets really hard to back down. The other person says something even more stupid, which really gets you going. You have to prove them wrong. You have to get the last word in.

Unless the other person has the same kind of mindset as you, they're probably more annoyed and taken aback than anything. They just stated an opinion and now you're jumping down their throat. It's another way to easily derail a social interaction. Like correcting people, wanting to jump into a debate can become a bad, reflexive habit.

Being intellectually competitive in conversations

If you get a bunch of intellectual people together, sometimes, but not always, the discussion will turn into a big battle to prove who knows more than all the others. One person will make some statement. Someone else will have to jump into and trump it with a more impressive, obscure piece of knowledge. Then someone else will point out they're mistaken and offer the accurate version of the facts. Then someone else will point out that someone used a big word improperly. Even if they're talking about something on the surface, underneath everyone's really just vying for the title of Smartest Person at the Table.

All the ideas of correcting, debating, and 'one upping' I just mentioned come into play here. Like the other points, doing this can be tiresome to other people and throw a conversation off its axis.

Being overly skeptical and cynical

Skepticism and even cynicism are important parts of critical thinking skills. You should think for yourself and not accept what you're told at face value. Some guys go too far with this though. Present them with anything and they'll immediately find some cynical angle to it. Fun new show on T.V.? Just a way for the media oligarchy to distract us from the real problems in society.

I used to think people saw me as some cool, enlightened social commentator when I made statements like this. It boosted my self-esteem as well, because I felt like I was one of an elite who was in the know. Yeah, most everyone else just thought I was some negative complainer. I think it's great to be skeptical in your mind, but when you verbalize it all the time, you can come off badly.

Being too negative and critical

This is the same idea as the point above. I used to think that by pointing out the flaws in everything, I was impressing people with how perceptive and analytical and insightful I was. I thought it was a sign of intelligence to spot what was wrong with something when no one else seemed to do so. If I couldn't see anything wrong with something I felt like I had failed somehow. It does take brains to break things down and recognize flaws, but saying it out loud pointlessly just makes you seem negative. One way this can be especially off-putting is when you feel compelled to dissect and comment on pointless things, like a friend's light, slightly exaggerated, story.

Being too blunt and abrasive

When you hang around other people who like to argue and debate all the time, you can all get into the bad habit of being too blunt and tactless with each other. Which is fine around your intellectual friends, but no so great around people who have no tolerance to it.

There's a pretty well-known joking-but-not-really theory out there that says normal people apply tact to everything they say. Nerds, as the theory goes, are the opposite. They're naturally more abrasive around each other, but don't take any of it personally because they apply tact to everything they hear. Two regular people or two nerds can communicate with each other just fine. But if you put a normal person and nerd together it breaks down. The nerd gets exasperated with the normal person for tiptoeing around what they want to say, and the regular person gets offended by the nerd's curt, direct manner of communicating.

Being snide and sarcastic

Debator/arguer/corrector/intellectually arrogant types seem to like sarcasm. I used to see being sarcastic as making me some sort of detached, cool observer type. And it's a natural fit for being negative, dismissive, and critical, so I loved that about it. And among more intellectual circles, I remember it being seen as this high form of humor that required brains to pull off well. And we all know how much regular folks appreciate sarcastic people.

Coming to the wrong conclusions about socializing

This isn't an annoying behavior, just something I've noticed about some highly intelligent types. People who are very smart can have minds that work in unique ways, and on a different wavelength than the average person's. Sometimes this unique perspective, coupled with a lack of firsthand experience, plus some over-analysis, can be a liability when it comes to explaining how the world works. It can cause them to miss the obvious or simple answer and instead come up with a more complicated, eccentric theory. I've seen really smart guys use their powerful, but sometimes quirky, brains to analyze social situations, come to these weird, totally off-base conclusions, and subsequently sabotage their future encounters with people.