Ways To Improve Your Social Prospects Before You Try Meeting Anyone
When it comes to getting a social circle together, there's a leap that takes place between not hanging around with any body and having a friend or two. For some this leap is quick and simple. They get out there and start meeting people. For others it's not as easy. They may be anxious about putting themselves out there or not particularly motivated to make friends. They could be stuck in a rut, comfortable or otherwise.
In these cases (and I'd consider myself in this category) every little bit helps. Here are some suggestions to help you gear yourself up towards going after a social life:
Get out of the house and be in the presence of people more often
Even if you don't talk to anyone, being in the presence of other people provides you with a small, vicarious amount of exposure to the social world. It helps your brain fall into that rhythm. It reminds you that a larger social realm does exist out there. Sometimes by just being somewhere alongside other people, you can get a sense of belonging and social connectedness.
Hm, that sounds a bit vague and spacey. I guess it is in a way, but I've noticed this effect in my own life. If I just stay in my apartment all the time and play video games and browse the web, I get too caught up in my own head or alternative little universes such a cliquish discussion board. When I start doing things like seeing a band or attending a fair on my own, my perspective gets pulled outwards and I start thinking of myself as a factor in a larger whole. My concerns start to shift to how I'm doing in the real world, as opposed to the imaginary ones I was previously occupied by.
I'll be the first to admit this affect is subtle, but every little bit can count. Of course there's always a chance getting out more will make you feel even more lonely and cut off from everyone. Also, when I say 'get out of the house', I mean more than running errands such as taking five minutes to return your movies.
And there's always the chance that by getting out you'll end up meeting someone. The points below, besides from being useful for their own sake, will give you some reasons to leave your place.
Explore your city or town and learn what's fun to do
When you have friends you do things with them. That's really obvious...but at the same time it's something I used to not quite grasp. I spent so much time hanging around by myself in front of a TV/computer/book that I knew very little about the area I lived in. Yeah, I was knowledgeable about the basic landmarks, but I wasn't thinking in terms of, "This is a cool neighborhood", or "This is a good place to eat", or "The Open Mike Night is fun at this place on Wednesdays" or "If I knew someone who mountain bikes, I should tell them about this trail". Once or twice I wouldn't be able to make plans with someone because we couldn't figure out anything to do after having to rule out the simple options of seeing a movie or hanging out at one of our places.
People who have friends naturally know these things. They know cheap places to eat after a late night out. They know about neat, obscure festivals that pass through town. They know when a cool little band is playing at a hole in the wall bar. They know about quirky little coffee houses or days when you can get cheap tickets to sporting events.
Take some time to learn all this stuff for yourself. It'll come in handy when you start hanging around people. You'll easily be able to suggest things to do, instead of being relatively clueless. You'll also likely become a more interesting person in the process of learning about all this stuff.
Follow along with popular events in the world
This is another way you can vicariously be part of a larger group without really knowing anyone. It helps unconsciously tune your mind into the bigger social world. Again, the effect is subtle.
Keep up with important news stories. Keep up with popular TV shows, the kind everyone at the office talks about the next day. Be aware of what's going on in locally relevant sports. Be up to speed on developments in niches and subcultures that you're interested in. This all gets at the somewhat controversial idea of some things just being socially practical to know.
Get an outside life of your own
Building on previous points. Get out of the house for its own sake. Get out to learn about your immediate surroundings. Also, try to get an actual life going that requires you to be outside of your residence. Join a gym. Join classes. See bands. Get into the habit of reading at a coffee shop instead of indoors. Participate in an activity that you can do around, and alongside other people, but without having to interact with them if you're not up to it yet. Make a plan to check out a new bar every weekend. If you hate going alone, just drop in for a couple of minutes and then leave. If you don't like bars, do it with something else like restaurants or comedy clubs.
Odds are good all of this will put you in the position to meet some new people. Even if it doesn't, you should enjoy the activities for their own sake. If nothing else, doing this should help pull you out of your rut and help stop you from seeing yourself as a loser who sits around at home all the time.
