Life Factors That Can Boost Your Social Success Quite Quickly

Overall I think building up your social skills is a process that just takes time. There's not really any magic way to became extremely confident, popular, and well-adjusted overnight. Still, that doesn't mean there aren't periods where your prospects shoot up quite a bit in a short period. A lot of people who used to be socially unsuccessful can often remember one or more key factors that played a large role in turning their life around for them. Like they may say, "I was pretty dorky in high-school, but in Junior year I tried out for the football team, got in, and things were better after that." These situations usually involve one or more of the following:

Here are some life factors that can make your social progress leap forward. It's hard to predict what will work for each person though. One guy may do something and change his life, another may do the same thing and have it not work out, or even backfire on him. Seeking out these opportunities can do a lot to help you. Making good lifestyle choices plays just as important a role in getting your social act together as working on internal things like your belief systems.

Traveling

This was big for me personally. I went backpacking in Australia after university and came back a pretty different person. I found the trip had these benefits:

  • I went alone and had to learn to make friends quickly or be bored and lonely. Luckily, backpacker hostels are full of fun, good-natured fellow travelers who are eager to meet people and who are up for a good time.
  • I was around people so much that I had tons of times to polish my people skills.
  • I had a lot of cool experiences that legitimately made me a more interesting person.

    • I go into more detail about the benefits of traveling in this article, but the list above pretty much gives you the gist of it:

    How Traveling/Backpacking Can Boost Your Social Skills

    Getting cool roommates

    This is another thing I have memories of helping me. During one summer in university I moved into an apartment with a few people who I didn't know, but who were all friends with each other. They were a fun group and since I lived with them, they pretty much took me into their circle. They helped pull me out of my shell, took me out clubbing with them, and taught me the basics of dancing. I won't lie, I was still very dorky by the time the summer was over but I was better off than I was four months ago.

    Having roommates has its cons as well and they won't all help you reach your social potential, but the times I've had them, it was like having a built-in social life. There was always someone to chat to while I was making dinner, or watch T.V. with in the evenings. On the weekends we often went out together. If you have a tendency to be solitary and hole up in your room, they'll usually be concerned and try to coax you into being more sociable.

    Joining the right club or team

    This is the example I used at the beginning of the article. Joining a club or team can sometimes give you an instant group of cool friends. There's also the comradery and common ground factors working in your favor. You may also get a boost to your overall reputation and status.

    In university I joined a club that gave me a group of people to hang out with, some of whom I got to know more casually and others who became pretty good friends. Again, I was still pretty dorky at this point, and if my social skills were better I would have gotten a lot more out of this situation, but I still made a jump in my progress.

    Picking up a good hobby

    The right hobby can allow you to meet people more easily. It could even quickly get you into a new social group. Certain hobbies have a certain amount of social cachet as well, so taking part in them can make you look a little better in some people's eyes. The classic example is learning to play an instrument and then joining a band.

    Getting the right job

    Another pretty common scenario is people getting a certain job and being less awkward and more confident as a result. Jobs can carry benefits such as:

    Jobs in restaurants and bars are pretty well-known for helping people do better socially. Anything that involves selling or presenting to people will also help your people skills.

    Going away to college

    The cliche about college is that it's a place where you can reinvent yourself. You're not guaranteed to become cool the instant you step on campus though, I sure didn't. I didn't stumble into an awesome group of friends during Frosh Week and struggled to meet people afterwards. I also kept a lot of my unhelpful high-school tendencies and spent too much time in my room playing video games. And I still pretty shy/insecure/boring/you name it at that point in my life.

    For many people college is a turning point though. Being in a position to meet a lot of new people is definitely a factor. Also important is that everyone will see you with fresh eyes, not through the layers of reputation and status you had back home. Some people also join fraternities or sororities, which you could think of as the equivalent of both joining a club and having cool roommates.

    Moving away from a stagnant situation

    I hinted at this in the previous point. Sometimes you'll have changed quite a bit and have many of the tools in place to do better socially, but you're stuck somewhere that won't allow that to happen. You may be in a school or town where everyone has already formed an opinion of you and aren't willing to give you a chance. You can change and act differently all you want, but you'll still be the same old weird, unpopular person to them. You could also be somewhere where there just aren't enough of your type of people around.

    I know people who were in a rut in one place, but when they moved away they easily found a cool group of friends and a better life overall. They could also use the new social skills and personality traits they'd developed back home without running into the barrier of, "Why is this guy trying to act differently all of the sudden? Everyone knows he's a dork. What's he trying to prove?"

    Switching to a new group of friends

    You'll hear of this happening pretty often in high-school, though it can occur at any age. Sometimes someone will be part of a group that isn't that great for them. When they make the decision to hang around other people, their fortunes change. Sometimes a person's group has changed and grown past them, and they're no longer a good fit, even if they're still allowed to tag along with the others. Sometimes they're the one who has changed, and their current buddies aren't appealing any longer.

    Another fairly common situation is when a person's social group doesn't even like them that much and maybe even gives them a hard time. When the person stops taking their "friend's" crap and moves to a better social circle, their lives improve. They could move from a mean-spirited popular group to a group who, while technically less cool, are much nicer. Or they may be stuck with a bunch of low-level jerk losers, and find that a cooler group of people is much more friendly and accepting of them.

    In certain circumstances, getting a new group of friends has helped people's social prospects. But I also think in some cases people can be too quick to want to dump their peers. Personally, I can be too negative about people and look for excuses to end relationships. It also seems pretty common for people who get into self-improvement to become dissatisfied with their current buddies, because they feel like their world view and priorities are suddenly on a different level. I don't know if you need to replace a perfectly adequate social circle every time you get into a new interest or philosophy.

    Getting into a relationship

    Sometimes it's getting a girlfriend or boyfriend that causes your progress to shoot upward: