Lifestyle Factors That Can Affect Your Social Success
Various lifestyle factors can have a subtle, but powerful, effect on your social success. I live in a nice neighborhood that, by public transit, is about 45-minutes away from all the good bars and clubs downtown. More than a few times I've decided to stay in on the weekend rather than go through the hassle of traveling to them (not the mention having to mission it home at two in the morning). Like I said, my neighborhood is nice, but there aren't many people my age that live here either. My friends are scattered around the city. The luckier ones live closer to the core, in vibrant areas filled with students.
I used to work at this one office job. The building was located in an industrial park on the outer border of the city. There wasn't much of anything out there except for other Initech-style businesses and residential high-rise apartments. One of my co-workers lived in the area. He had an easy time getting to work (I had to commute an hour each way), but he admitted that his social life was also lacking. I'd like to think he'd have had an easier time of things if he wasn't stuck out in the middle of nowhere. Speaking of that job, it pretty much relegated my own social life to Friday night, Saturday, and the first half of Sunday. The rest of the time I couldn't stay out late, didn't have enough time, or just felt too drained after a day in the office.
In university it was different of course. I lived right downtown. I could walk to all the bars in five minutes. I lived in the student ghetto, close to the handful of friends I had. Classes, and all my part-time jobs, were at most a ten minute walk away.
You can tell where this is heading. In high-school and university lifestyle factors are generally slanted in your favor, although some people do get dealt crappy hands (e.g, living at home away from campus). Once you're out of university though, your lifestyle can exert a respectable influence on how well you do socially.
This is especially true since many of the people reading this have tendencies that wouldn't naturally cause them to go out of their way to get out there and be around people. When you're already inclined not to be ultra-sociable, then you just need a little resistance from your environment to push any social prospects too far out of reach.
If you haven't yet overcome your shyness and social difficulties, then bad lifestyle factors can be the final nail in the coffin. At the very least they can keep you from making further progress and cause you to throw away a few years of your life. If a guy is very shy around people, and then proceeds to get an office job where he's expected to work 12-hour days, largely by himself, what are the odds he'll make tons of progress on his issues? On the other hand, good decisions can stack things in your favor. You still have to make the best of your situation's potential, of course. You could be in the middle of the world's greatest lifestyle situation, but it won't amount to anything if you sit alone in your room all day.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about various factors in your life. If you're a bit younger then I'd urge you to plan ahead about some of these things.
Living Arrangements
Do you live in a big city, a small town, or something in between? Do you feel the size is a good fit for you? If you live in a big city is it too large, unfriendly, and anonymous? Is your small town too stifling, dull, and claustrophobic? Would it be better if you moved somewhere else? Is this realistic?
How's the weather where you live? Is it nice all year or does it get cold for several months and make doing everything more of a pain? Ever not gone out because the weather was too miserable?
Do you have your own place or are you stuck living with your parents? Living with the 'rents is convenient in many ways, but it does hinder your social life.
Do you live alone or do you have roommates? I'm torn about this topic. I've lived both alone and with other people (friends and relative strangers). I prefer living alone, but I can't deny how much better my social life was with the roommates. It's almost a built in part of having them. I even miss just having people around all the time. But roommates can get pretty annoying after a while and bring a lot of pointless drama into your life. I'd still cautiously recommend this to more solitary types as it can really force you to be more social and counteract the urge to hang around by yourself all the time. You may decide you can't take the inevitable, occasional squabbling, but maybe give it a try.
Are there fun things to do within a short distance of your place? If you have to travel to go to the good restaurants, bars, etc., do you live far enough away that you sometimes don't bother with the hassle?
Is your place a good hangout? Is it somewhere people would want to gather and hang around? Or is it not that much fun and out of the way?
Are there people your age in your building? Any neighbors you could potentially meet?
Are the people in your neighborhood around your age? Are they in the same 'place' in life as you are?
Are your friends close by or do they live far away from you?
Work
Are there lots of people around your age at your job?
Are they the type of people you get along with and would want to hang out with?
Is your job helping you grow as a person or is it encouraging bad habits (e.g., being a boring, anal, workaholic)?
Do the amount of hours you work leave you time to be social? Do you work an easy 30-hour week and have lots of time left over, or do you have to put in 70-hour weeks and laugh at the concept of having a life?
When you have free time are you so drained by your job that you want to do nothing but veg out in front of the T.V.? Or do you have energy to spare?
Are the times you work conducive to having a life? Obviously having to work 6am - 2pm Thursday - Monday isn't the best thing that could ever happen to you. Working the night shift isn't so hot either. Even working 9-5 kind of sucks.
Does your work schedule effectively eliminate certain days of the week as socializing options? (e.g., if you work Monday-Friday, 9-5, then going out on Sunday night usually isn't an option. Thursday is doable but not always worth it).
How's your commute? Is it long enough that it affects your amount of free time, motivation to go out after work, time you need to wake up, etc?
Do you like your job? Does it effect your mood and outlook on life to the point where it could have a negative influence on your social activities?
Money
Do you know good ways to save money or have fun on a budget? (e.g., you know what bars have cheap drink or no cover nights.)
Do you have enough of it that you can go out and have a good time without worrying about spending too much?
Do you have enough that whenever your friends want to do something that costs money, you can go too and not destroy your budget?
Do you have enough that you can do basic things like buy new clothes if you need them?
Transportation
Do you have a car? Know how to drive?
Would having one make life easier? Would it open up new social opportunities?
Hobbies
Do your hobbies require you to get out of the house or can you do them from home?
Do they require you to interact with people face to face, or is that not involved?
Do you spend so much time on certain hobbies that it takes time away from other activities you could be doing?
Do any of your hobbies have a negative influence on your mood? e.g., I've noticed that whenever I overdo it with the video games I start to feel a little sketchy and down after a while. If I spend too much time on discussion boards the inherent, unavoidable negativity of many of them can get to me and make me feel vaguely unhappy and irritable.
University
Does your school have a good social life? On the whole, do you like the typical student there?
Does your school have a male/female ratio that works in your favor?
Do you live in residence? By yourself in a dingy little place off-campus? At home? If you still live at home do you just go to your classes and are otherwise cut off from campus life?
Is your campus close to anywhere good or are you pretty much stuck out in the middle of nowhere?
There are certainly more pressing considerations when choosing a school, but give these things at least some thought. If you're in high school and aren't all that socially savvy then going to a more fun school can help bring you out of your shell.
You can't realistically control all of these things, and even if they're not all set up ideally you can still get by. But it may make your social life harder than it has to be. A lot of overcoming shyness and social deficits comes down to effort. By making some changes in your life you can knock down the amount of effort and willpower you have to exert over yourself.
You don't necessarily have to uproot your whole life though. You may just be missing some knowledge that would put your whole situation in a new light. Maybe there are some neat places in your neighborhood that you don't know about. Maybe you can move your shifts around at work but never knew it was a possibility. Whatever you do, don't let outside circumstances hold you back more than they have to.
