How To Meet People

Sometimes people have lots of potential friends in their lives and they just need to take the initiative to turn them into actual friends. But the opposite is just as often a problem; when you don't have any potential future buddies around. In this case you've got to meet some.

Here are my ideas of ways to meet new people. I think most of us find it easiest to meet new people when the ice is already broken by the circumstances. And by and large we find it more much harder to approach strangers. I've roughly arranged the points accordingly, with the least intimidating ones higher on the list.

Once you've met some people, take the initiative to invite them to hang out outside of the circumstances you met them in. It's all about being proactive.

Through your friends and other people you already know

This is obvious when you think about it, but I put this point first because it's way more helpful than chatting to strangers in the grocery store. When you meet someone you like you're also potentially meeting all their friends down the road. It's more of a longer term and indirect way to meet people, but keep it on your radar.

Work

Another standard choice. If the circumstances allow, you may even want to consider switching jobs, or getting another one on the side. For example if you work alone as a night security guard maybe you could get a job with more people around. Personally I've had luck with the few busy call center jobs I've had as a student. There are lots of other students there, there are lots of staff, and there are always new people being hired. Big restaurants are also great, partly because it's only natural to go grab a drink after your busy shift. A friend of mine worked as a server at a convention center when they had dinner receptions and met lots of the other students working there.

You could also volunteer somewhere. Like you could put in a few hours a week working with youths or agree to help out at a one-off fund raising party and meet the other people there.

A sports team or league

Joining the team gets you admission to a group of people who you'll see for the next few weeks at least, who you'll develop some camaraderie from playing together, and for who socializing after the game comes naturally.

A club or organization

The appeal is obvious. You join up and you instantly know a group of people who share a similar interest to yours. You can also start your own club or informal meet up. For example, when I used to be into martial arts a little bit, there was a group that met up once a week to spar together and show each other new techniques.

You can also start your own group. Like you could start up a book club and have the first meeting be at your house.

Classes

Another classic. To be honest I always thought signing up for an entire class was a bit of an excessive way to meet people, but if it's something you want to do anyways then why not? And in university of course you're going to be spending time here. I think the flaw with classes is that you spend a lot of time learning and focusing on the teacher and not necessarily being able to socialize with anyone. You're often restricted to before the teacher starts talking or afterwards as everyone is filing out of the room.

Your living situation

Anyone who's lived alone during their first year of college will tell you not to do it...

Your family

This seems like a weird one, and it may not be your cup of tea, but I find that as I get older it's more fun to hang out with my siblings. You may end up meeting someone through them or their friends. Your brother, sister, or cousins might even end up becoming friends of sorts.

A job where you get to be friendly with the public

The first ones that come to mind for me are nightlife ones like a bartender, bouncer, or DJ. The next thing that comes to mind is being a barrista in a coffee shop. The idea is that the customers will tend to talk to you, or it's natural for you to chat to them during quiet periods. If you're a server at a low key pub frequented by other people your age then you'll meet some worthwhile people before long.

Having something to offer other people

This works in two ways: First, it can cause people to seek you out. Second, it gives you leverage to approach other people. With this point you have to be careful about being someone that people are just using because you have something they want, rather than being around you for your company. The thing you have to offer should just be a springboard to meeting people.

There are tons of examples:

An individual sport

If team sports aren't your thing then you can still get a lot out of more individual sports where people gather together to train or compete.

Online

This method still has a bit of a stigma attached, but pretty much everyone does it at some point. if you're already there a lot you may as well take advantage of it to make some friends.

As you probably know, the biggest issue with meeting people online is their internet personas not meshing up with what they're like in real life. This cuts both ways. Sometimes you'll be disappointed in the person you meet. At other times it's you that other people are disappointed in. This can be quite the blow to your self-esteem. Be aware of this, especially if you tend to come of as awkward in real life, but are confident when you're behind a keyboard.

A solitary activity that you can make social

If you have an interest that you normally partake in on your own, you may be able to introduce a social element into it. For example, if you like running, then put out a call for a running buddy. If you normally mountain bike by yourself then you could find a group that rides together on the weekends. If you like reading you could start a book club. If you like playing an instrument then start a band or join one. If you're a writer you could organize a group where people meet to share what they've been working on and help each other improve. If you're into comics or card games maybe you can hang around the store with the other hobbyists instead of staying at home.

If you think a certain type of group or club would help you but there isn't one around then try starting one yourself. This 'being the organizer' element of boosting your social life is something I've just recently started to appreciate myself more.

Any sport or hobby where people congregate at a designated time and place

There's a parking lot near my place where every Sunday morning people will gather to screw around with their remote controlled cars. Pick up basketball games are another good example. Just come to the court at the designated time and play with whoever else shows up. At my university there was a place where a group of break dancers would come to practice every Monday evening.

Bars or pubs

First, if you hang around a place long enough eventually you'll see the other regulars are and it will only be natural to get to know them. This is one of those cases where familiarity breeds trust and liking.

Also, if you play a game like pool, darts, or air hockey you can ask other people to play against you. You're bound to talk to them as you play.

A part of town where people from a certain group tend to hang out

If you identify with a certain scene or subculture and know other people from that group usually hang around in a certain area, then go there as well. You may end up striking up a conversation with someone you have a lot in common with, especially once you've been seen around enough that other people decide you're probably alright.

Crowded places (e.g., a small bar with music, comedy, or readings)

I've met people at crowded shows or readings just because the circumstances forced other people to ask to sit at my table, or have me sit near them. Often it's only natural that you chat to each other a bit next.

Random events

Grab the local free lefty paper or go to Craigslist and check out the section with a list of events that are happening that week. If any of them strike your fancy then show up to them. They may be a bust or you may meet someone you get along with. Example, once I showed up for a free Buddhist mediation session. I didn't know what to expect, but the other people who showed up were laid back, open minded types, and it was taught by people my age. It didn't come to anything, but it might have.

Public places

You know, coffee shops, museums, the grocery store. This is another suggestion you tend to see across multiple articles on how to meet people. It can work, sure, especially if you're very outgoing, but I think the ideas above are easier.


I hope this article has made you realize that there are tons of ways to put yourself in front of potential new friends or romantic partners. Thinking back over my shyer days, I was always meeting people, but I was too awkward to make a good impression on them, or I didn't realize I had to take the initiative to ask them to hang out sometime, but my lack of social life wasn't because of a shortage of potential friends around.