Regular Logical Mode vs. Fun Partying Mode In Social Interactions

I always tended to veer towards the intellectual, cerebral side of things. I was analytical and book smart. I was fine if I was having a fairly ordered, calm conversation about a particular idea or body of knowledge. But I usually felt out of the loop and irritated when I was around a bunch of loud people who were acting silly and having fun somewhere. "Why are they acting so immature and flighty?", I'd think to myself.

Through observation, I eventually came up with a rough concept of there being two modes people can be in when it comes to social interactions: Regular Logical Mode and Fun Party Mode. I could probably have sat down and created better names, but these are the spontaneous labels I came up with as I was working through the concept. Once I had this concept in mind, I lightened up a lot and did a lot better when I was out in places more geared towards 'Fun Partying Mode.'

Like with anything that breaks complex human behavior into 'stages' or 'types' or categories, the 'Modes' concept isn't meant to be taken too literally. They're more an exaggerated dichotomy to make a point. In real life it's all more fuzzy and mixed together. In this case, people may be in a mix of both modes at the same time, or switch back and forth between them quickly. And I'm hardly being rigid in saying, 'This is a feature of one, this is a feature of the other'. The list is more a brainstorm than anything. I just want to make the point that more reserved, serious people may do better if they can appreciate the other Fun Party Mode we can enter into. It can be a new way of understanding the situations you find yourself in so you hopefully handle them better.

Here are some characteristics of each:

	'Regular Logical Mode'	'Fun Partying Mode'
Focus:	Exchanging information, mental stimulation, discussing a topic, learning about someone or something	Having fun, having a good time, feeling good, having enjoyable experiences
Mood/ Mindset:	Fairly unemotional and detached, logical, engaged, focused, wanting to talk about a certain topic	Happy, expansive, amused, giddy, looking for fun and amusement, joking around, sociable, flighty, scattered, distractable, open to new things
Success:	Learning something new, connecting with someone, getting to know someone better, being, mentally stimulated and challenged, having an interesting conversation	Having fun, feeling good, laughing, coming out feeling closer to your friends, coming away with good memories, stories, and anecdotes, getting in crazy adventures, ending up in a situation that is way more fun than you could have hoped for
Common Occurances:	Day to day life, work, one-on-one discussions, among people who want to learn about each other, during a quiet evening at home, formal situations, during the day, low key meals, specifically having a logical or in-depth discussion	Bars, clubs, parties, lively group meals, live entertainment events, among people who joke around a lot, in the later hours, where alcohol is involved, specifically setting out to have a good time
Mild version:	People talking about how there weekends went or some topic in the news	People who joke around and keep it light and breezy rather than really talk about anything
Stronger version:	Two people having an hours long discussion about existential themes in the Western Canon	A big group of friends acting loud and crazy at a club
Surroundings/ Atmosphere:	Fairly quiet and controlled (e.g., living room, coffee shop, quiet restaurant), conducive to conversation	Loud, chaotic, stimulating, full of distractions (e.g., loud music, alcohol, crowds, lights, noise, other people, etc.), tends to hinder continuous conversation
Participants:	Friends who know each other, people getting to know each other, people put together by circumstance (e.g., work)	Friends who party together, friends who liked joking around, acquaintances who have fun together but may not know each other in a lot of depth, new people the group has met, friends of friends who have been invited along. It's more about the event you're at so anyone can show up and potentially join the group and take part in the fun
Planning/ Organization:	Planned out ahead of time, plan is followed once everything is under way	Goes with the flow, spontaneous, original plans are a jumping off point rather than guidelines that must be rigidly followed, it's common to end up somewhere other than you originally intended
Conversations in general:	In-depth, intellectual, curious, stays on one topic, focused on a topic, logical, exploratory, source of information	More clipped, jumps around, simpler, more random jokes. This is partially due to the people's mindset, but also because the circumstances may make more complex conversations inconvenient (e.g., at a loud bar)
Topics of conversation:	Learning more about each other, things, ideas, concepts, interests, exchanging information and opinions	Jokes, random tidbits, amusing anecdotes, nonsensical funny behaviors (e.g., yelling or cheering for no reason), observations about the immediate situation or what you're doing
Conversation partner(s):	One person or group that you stay with in order to have a longish conversation	More likely to bounce around between people and have shorter conversations with each of them
Conversational guidelines:	People stay on one topic, wait their turn to talk, allow other people to finish their point	Everyone is excitable and wants to talk at once, more interruptions, easily gets derailed by random jokes or new tangents. This is all fine and to be expected.
Amount of conversation:	Pretty much makes up the bulk of the interaction	Can be long periods without talking as people dance, play a game, listen to the band, etc. Talking may be difficult and inconvenient. People may communicate through gestures, expressions, cheers and yells, and actions instead (e.g., grabbing someone and doing a funny dance with them)
Getting along with other people:	Based on whether you have rapport, common interests, and can have a good discussion about something	Based on how much you can have fun with each other at that moment
Meeting other people:	Tends to be a pre-arranged group of people who know each other. Keep to themselves and aren't looking to meet anyone new.	Even if the group keeps to themselves, there's always the possibility they'll meet some fun, new people.
Main activities:	Talking with someone about something, doing a single, fairly low key activity together	Mingling, drinking, dancing, playing a game, joking around, doing a little bit of several things at once
Behavior:	Restrained and behaved. No funny business.	Much more silly, stupid, and impulsive. Lots of shenanigans. Whether something will be amusing at that moment trumps whether it is a rational overall decision.
Personality revealed:	You are showing your 'normal', regular self	People don't 'act like themselves'. You have excuses for acting differently or playing a character (e.g., alcohol, caught up in the moment)
Confidence level:	Pretty typical and stable	As a general rule, is boosted by the situation; being drunk, being in your element, being disinhibited, being one of the crowd, getting attention from the opposite sex, being out with all your friends. If your night isn't going your way, your confidence can be knocked though (e.g., getting rejected by people, something happens to create bad vibes, etc.)
Potential Downsides:	Tone can be overly serious, stuffy, polite, restrained, boring, rote, or predictable	Everyone can act too unpredictable and out of character, bad sides of people's personalities can come out, bad events are more likely to occur in certain situations (e.g., fights, accidents, emotional blow ups)
Reaction to people in the other mode:	See other people as hyper, flighty, loud, immature, fickle, unfocused, annoying, obnoxious	See other people as boring, uptight, too focused on talking about 'logical' stuff, needing to loosen up, anal
Possible benefits for shyer, more cerebral people:	Are in their element. Can talk one-on-one, or in a small group, about a subject that interests them in depth.	Can be in a large group of people you don't know well, or at all, so they feel less pressure to come off well, can blend into the group and not feel so much pressure to think of things to say, drinking may loosen them up, may do better when they are playing a character
Possible pitfalls for shyer, more cerebral people:	Can get too focused on discussing an abstract topic and ignore the people they're with, can focus more on getting their point out or sounding smart and sophisticated and ignore the human element, can be overly logical, may feel on the spot to speak	May be too inhibited to function in this situation, may get annoyed at the way everyone is acting, not able to participate in shared events (e.g., dancing), may get over-stimulated or irritated at their surroundings (e.g., crowd, noise, heat, etc.), may get a knock to their self-esteem and feel like they don't fit in

So there you have it. Again, this breakdown is somewhat exaggerated. It's not an extreme either-or kind of thing.

Where more intellectual, serious types can go wrong:

Like I mentioned, I had trouble with these two different ways of approaching social situations. Here are some problems more reserved, logical types may have:

Being one-sided and only comfortable interacting with people in the Regular Logical Mode.
Getting frustrated with people in Fun Partying Mode for being unpredictable and not following what you think are the rules.
Hindering interactions by trying to shoehorn them into a Regular Logical Mode context, when this is not really appropriate (e.g., trying to talk about politics or philosophy when everyone is out at the pub hoping to have a fun, casual time).
Losing confidence in their ability to get along with people, and their fundamental likability to others, because they can't seem to relate to people who act in a Fun Partying way a lot.
Resenting people in Fun Partying Mode for going against the way your more logical mind wishes the world was.
Seeing people who like to have fun and party as all being immature, shallow simpletons.
Being underdeveloped in the skills and traits that allow them to thrive in Fun Partying Mode.
Believing that being serious and logical or wanting to have fun distinguish different types of people. Not realizing that any person can fall into each 'mode' based on their mood, goals, and circumstances.

What you can do

Like I said, once I slowly started to recognize the distinction between these two broad ways of acting, I started to loosen up. Here's what you can do:

Accept that there's nothing wrong with someone wanting to have fun or act in a non-serious manner.
Realize that one mode isn't better than the other, they're just different.
Accept that what's ideal in one situation may not have much of a place in the other. Do what works to give you the most social success.
Realize that acting in a way that reflects one mode, doesn't diminish your strengths in the other one.
Learn to recognize when the situation is in Fun Mode, learn to be in it yourself, and appreciate the company of other people who are in it.
If you find yourself in a situation where everyone is in Fun Partying Mode, then go with the flow instead of trying to fight it.
Try to develop strengths and sides to yourself that will allow you to do well in fun situations. Try to be more of a fun person overall.