Little Social Annoyances That Will Never Go Away
People who struggle socially are sometimes intolerant of petty annoyances such as having to make dull small talk. Although they may not enjoy these things either, more sociable people are more good-natured about playing along. I for one have accepted that the following social annoyances will never go away completely and try to be more tolerant of them:
Formulaic conversational exchanges
You all know these: "Hey, how are you?", "Good, how are you?", "Good. How's school going?", "Good. How about you?", "Good. Are you working now?" "Yeah, I've got a part-time job at the hospital.", "Oh, how's that going?","Good...." and on it goes.
When you first start talking to someone new the first few lines you exchange often have this uninspired, rote quality to them. If you're meeting a lot of people in a short period of time it can quickly grow tiresome. It's pointless to get too irritated at this common scenario. If two people don't know each other too well these various time-worn exchanges act as a safe, easy template that allows them to get the ball rolling. Within a minute or two they'll hopefully hit on a jumping off point that allows them to take the conversation into more mutually interesting territory.
"Seen any good movies lately?" (boring)
"Nah, not really. But have you seen the preview for ______?" (jumping off point)
"Oh my god, that movie looks sick. Have you seen the new..." (start of real conversation)
Before I learned to stick out the preliminary crap to eventually get to the good stuff, I remember being at parties and quickly growing bored of having the same short conversation with everybody. It wasn't long before I withdrew to a corner by myself.
Another thing is that sometimes people don't care if they're having what on paper appears to be a mindless, shallow exchange. They're just happy to out socializing with people and are okay with making safe, predictable small talk. At other times the mood of the event just isn't conducive to having deep philosophical discussions.
And sometimes people really do want to know how your holidays were or how school is going.
Finally, even sociable people can get nervous when they have to make small talk with someone new. By having some standard questions and responses to fall back on they can get comfortable in each other's presence without having to think too hard about what to say next.
If you have some way to bypass the boring, awkward small talk, then you'll usually be glad to take it. Still, you'll never totally avoid it.
Being asked the same questions over and over again
"How were your holidays?", "How's college going?", "How was your trip?" , "How's work?", "How's your girlfriend doing?"
Anyone who's been to a big family function has experienced the tedium of having to answer the same question a dozen or more times. Again, there's no point in getting too worked up about it. It's going to happen from time to time. Just politely answer the question and move on to a more stimulating topic.
Everyone also has things about them that invite the same questions and comments from different people. If you have an unusual name you're going to hear about it your whole life. If you have a twin you'll hear the same cliched questions and corny jokes over and over and over and over and over again. If you have a cool job you'll forever be explaining certain aspects of it to people. Life is hard sometimes.
People making dumb comments without thinking
Most people mean well, but sometimes they say certain things without realizing how crass or insensitive or ignorant they sound. Example: I'm tall and skinny. I've lost track of how many times people have seen me and blurted out "Wow, you're skinny!!! Don't you eat?!?" Sigh. People have also said things such as "You're so quiet! Why don't you talk??? You're not going to come into work with a gun one day are you? Har har har!!!" Also stupid.
I don't really care anymore though. Well, I do, but you know what I mean. People are just like that. They don't mean any harm by it. They just have a burning question or observation on their mind and want to say it...now...without thinking about how to word it in an appropriate manner... If you get one of these comments and handle it with grace, maybe by making a joke about it, you can at least win some points and come off looking like a good sport at least.
People who want something from you being insincere
I used to take it really personally when restaurant servers, bartenders, sales people, or store clerks acted falsely chummy towards me so that I would give them better tips/my business. The phoniness and not-so-hidden agenda of the whole interaction rubbed me the wrong way.
Once again, I try to be more laid back about this these days. It's not an attack on me. These people are just doing their jobs. Yeah, it's still tacky in a way, but I'll be polite and play along. Some of this behavior is also just a (sometimes clumsy) way for staff to appear pleasant to their customers. Oh...and sometimes they really are being friendly because they're nice people, and I can't go around thinking everyone is out to get me all the time.
People making superficial snap judgments about you
Before I got contacts and grew my hair out I looked like a stereotypical nerd. When I told people I was in college they would guess I was an engineering or computer science student. It deflates the ego to basically hear someone say, "I see you as a geek". But to be fair, I did look like one. That's how people are. We all do it. There are all kinds of psychological explanations for why people are mentally lazy and can't afford to think every piece of information through thoroughly. If I see someone wearing a slick suit I'll assume certain things about him. If I see a young guy who looks like a hippy I'll make another set of assumptions without thinking. I'd like to think I won't say these thoughts out loud, but I probably do at times without realizing what I'm saying. See the earlier point about people blurting out dumb comments.
Having to attend events you would rather not
Dull office parties, irritating family gatherings, overly formal, stuffy dinners. Mandatory events come up like this at least a few times a year. No one really wants to go to all of them. It's easy to fantasize about beating the system and not having go to these events any more, perhaps by just refusing to attend them in the future. That never seems to work out though, it's always more trouble than it's worth. You just have to put on your happy face and put in those few hours.
(Any other irritating social situations/dumb things people do)
They've been doing it this long, there's no reason they're going to stop now. Might as well quit stressing about it so much and start to play along. I can complain all I want about small talk being boring but it will never disappear. I'd just be beating my head against a wall. Personally I think it's almost liberating to accept that certain things are just the way they are. It frees me up to deal with the challenges of the actual situation instead of feeling bitter about being in it in the first place. I've often find that when I approach an annoying situation on this level, it's not as bad.