It's Okay Not To Be As Sociable As Other People

A question I've seen asked around the internet more than a few times is, "I'm just not super interested in socializing. Is that okay? Or is there something wrong with me? Most people seem to think there is."

This one is ridiculously easy to answer: No, there's nothing wrong at all with not being that into socializing. For me this is a no brainer, but I think a lot of people need to hear it, because they've gotten so many messages over their lives that there's something wrong with them. There's variation in people's personalities. Hundreds of millions of people have one where they're not particularly drawn to being social. If you want to get more abstract, social skills are subjective, and there's no way to say one way of being is 'better' than another.

There's also nothing wrong with the following either:

(Note that I'm not talking about things that pretty much everyone would agree are really weaknesses, such as always talking down to people, or being a terrible listener. The things above are just different, not bad).

While being less social is intrinsically okay, it can cause issues

Once again, you're not a freak just for having these preferences. Of course, while there's nothing wrong with these priorities themselves, you could say they are a 'problem' for the side-effects they cause. Then again, being social has unwanted consequences as well, and that doesn't seem to stop anyone.

Being less social leads to hassles for going against the norm

Everyone who's like this knows that already. In theory being less sociable is fine, but practically you get flak from people, stereotypes, judgments, and all kinds of other problems. Not everyone is bad this way, but it doesn't take much to feel the negative attitude, just the odd comment here or there. Sometimes there's nothing you can even point you finger to, less social people just feel that others don't approve.

It may lead to less developed social skills

Many people who aren't that social have perfectly good interpersonal skills. They may ration out the time they're around other people, but when they are with them, they can function just fine. Other less social people have underdeveloped interpersonal abilities, which they can at least partially blame on not being out there and practicing them. Really, there's nothing wrong with that either, especially if they don't particularly care about using them.

Where trouble can arise is when someone doesn't care much about socializing in general, but still wants a specific social benefit or two, and their under-practiced people skills make it way harder for them to get it. For example, many less social guys, who would otherwise be totally content to pursue their hobbies on their own all day, run into problems when they want a girlfriend and don't have enough of a general social skills base to make that happen.

Being irritated at being misunderstood can lead to friction

Sometimes you'll come across someone who's not naturally that social, and who is so tired of being misunderstood that they've got a bit of a chip on their shoulder about it. They're prickly and wary and defensive. In another life, if everyone respected them they'd probably be quite cheerful, but the world has turned them into a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. The social norm has told them there's something wrong with them, they've gotten so annoyed that they've become bitter and irritable about it, and now there actually is a problem.

Their resentful attitude isn't their fault. Their complaints are justified. The self-fulfilling prophecy thing seems kind of unfair and twisted. Still, I'd say those actual bitter feelings and attitude is something you could call a legitimate problem. It's not unreasonable to say that's a toxic emotion to have, right?