The Misconception That A High-End Social Life Means Going To Lots Of Exclusive Clubs And Parties

There are some sources of social skills advice aimed at young men that, intentionally or not, portray a certain kind of social life as the ultimate dream you can unlock once you've become really charismatic, connected, and well-respected: You're able to go to lots of exclusive parties, and get into the VIP sections of nightclubs. You generally enter the secret world of trendy, wealthy, upper-tier people.

Often this end-goal social life isn't even framed in terms of the friendships you'll have. There may be a few mentions of how you'll rove around with a crew of other popular, in-demand guys, but usually other things are emphasized (again, whether it's said out loud or implied):

I'm not saying it's impossible to have this kind of social life, or that it couldn't be fun. I'm sure there are men who go to a different rooftop party in Manhattan every weekend and chat to millionaires and runway models. I just want to challenge the idea that this should be every young guy's default goal, or that it's the only kind of "good" social life someone can work toward.

When you're a younger man and starting to research interpersonal skills you can stumble onto places that sell this dream, and unthinkingly adopt it because you don't know any better yet. Take some time to think about whether that kind of life is really the best fit for you:

If you consider the above and decide you genuinely are interested in a life of VIP parties, and it's not coming from a sense of inadequacy and over-compensation as you far as you can tell, then all the power to you. I'm not trying to say pursuing a life of lavish invite-only events is tacky and anyone who does it has the wrong priorities.

Like I said, I just want young men to take a moment to question the notion that it's what they should all go after. If you're lonely and just want some buddies to hang out with, do you really need to try to become the ultimate social climber? For some guys the kinds of get togethers that will make them the happiest are casual hikes, or an evening playing board games, or seeing an offbeat comedy show. That's no better or worse than a boilerplate "high-end" social life.