Don't Be Hard On Yourself If Your Social Skills Progress Is Slow And Inconsistent At Times

If you struggle in social situations odds are you're pretty hard on yourself. You may do things like beat yourself up over small mistakes you make in conversations. You may also hold yourself to overly high standards when it comes to improving your people skills and self-confidence. You might have set an expectation that once you decide to change yourself that you should make nothing but smooth, steady progress. If you hit a snag you're quick to pile on the self-blame, see yourself as weak, get down on about your lack of discipline, and so on.

That mindset is unrealistic. Working to overcome your social anxiety and awkwardness can be stressful enough. You don't also need to think you're a failure for not being a flawless self-improvement machine.

Like with many areas, trying to improve socially can be a slow, unpredictable process. If it was possible to quickly and easily turn things around you would have already done it by now. There are real barriers to changing socially, like:

I'm not saying all this to be discouraging. I just want to give you a realistic idea of what to expect, so you don't unnecessarily kick yourself if you don't fix all your problems in two months.

The good news is even if it's not ultra-easy, it's possible to significantly improve your social life. Even getting 30% better may make a big difference in how happy you feel day to day. And there are times when progress will feel fun and come quickly.

Problems and setbacks you may face as you work on your social skills and confidence

In no particular order:

Being slow to get started

Change just taking time

Not getting concepts right away

Not accepting techniques or concepts right away

Not using concepts or techniques effectively

Adjusting goals and priorities

Chasing false leads

Outside obstacles


Taking a break

These obstacles are frustrating, but they're just part of the process. They happen to everyone. They're the kind of thing that when we see them slowing down someone else's progress it's easy to think, "Why don't they just get over it already?", but it's not always so simple when they affect you.